Insults... whats your best?

[evesdad]

If i had a face like yours I'd keep my head between my knees and teach my arse to talk.

[Bretty]

I have a few specific to women:

She has a face like a bulldog licking piss of a thistle.

and, she looks like my favourite porn star... Ron Jeremy.

[Frosties]

The one I save for wanker cyclists and drivers in London is.... "Have you always been a cock sucker...........or did daddy teach you"?

[fazerscotty]

Not forgetting......
Oxygen thief
Waste of a good white skin

[joebloggs]

Not an insult to myself but was round a friends earlier and his 14 yr old daughter asked if he liked the dress she had found for the party tonight, he replied "no"

I left at that point, I wasn't going to help him dig himself out of that one lol

[polecat 1]

A mate at work a few years back was getting a bollocking off one of the bosses, he put his hand in his pocket, pulled a handful of change out and said "Here's 10p, go ring someone that gives a fuck". He got laid off not too long afterwards, strangely enough.

[Dazlightyear]

spunk-bubble, tends to sum someone up perfectly..lol

[fazerscotty]

spunk-bubble, tends to sum someone up perfectly..lol

And not forgetting "Balding Wank Splat"

[Billy Balthorpe]

The simple term "Fucknuts" is usually sufficient. 

[caretaker]

how about 'dilligaff badge wearing cock'.  i save that one for my yearly 'ride to the wall' outing...

[Billy Balthorpe]

Theres a comeback I use when someone calls me Fuckface.

Fuckface, yeah I like that one (insert guys name here), i'll have to remember that one the next time I'm climbing off your Mum.

Shamelessly stolen from Snatch.

[DILLIGAFF]

I was playing pool with a friend one time way back when it was 50p a game. I checked my change and had no 50p coins, so I asked if he had one. He threw a 50p. coin on the table with the words..........." Here, buy yourself a personality!"

In a rare moment of inspiration I threw 20p. back at him and said..........." Here's your change, I bought one like yours"

[lew600fazer]

Today!!! my insurance quote for my MT-09 just under €600 fucking euro. Full no claim. I have never had a claim in my 50+years of riding bikes. Phoned the twats up and asked WTF! that is 100% increase since last year. Some oriental gentleman says , well sir you are now nearing 68 years of age do you not think it was time to stop biking. I am booked on the next flight to Bombay, cheeky bastard. :eek

[Slaninar]

Telling people in a calm tone to take a bath seems to piss most of my countrymen off.  When I really want to provoke someone to a fight, that usually does it.