Bike Tips 101

[budgiemurray]

Dont fart and cough at the same time.. same goes with farting and sneezing..

[bigbluebear]

Dont fart and cough at the same time.. same goes with farting and sneezing..

That's a life tip, not a bike tip

[budgiemurray]

bigbluebear.. it is if your on the bike at the time...
:-)

[bigbluebear]

you're in trouble if you do all four at the same time whilst on the bike

[Mattsplat]

Dont fart and cough at the same time.. same goes with farting and sneezing..

Taking it up to the next level, don't sneeze whilst your having a dump!

It exits like a Scud missile  :eek

[bigbluebear]

[quote author=budgiemurray link=topic=11825.msg130494#msg130494 date=1393581884]
Dont fart and cough at the same time.. same goes with farting and sneezing..

Taking it up to the next level, don't sneeze whilst your having a dump!

It exits like a Scud missile  :eek
[/quote]

And the splash soaks yer arse  :lol

[Mattsplat]

Nothing worse than splashback  :rollin

[Buzz]

...or "Neptune's kiss" as it's known in my house

[hightower]

Bike related then: don't fart while sat down on the bike, it will feel like you've gone a bit too far. Always stand up to fart. Standing up also gives trailing bikers the courtesy of letting them know.

[richfzs]

Is that why ewan/charlie wannabees go everywhere standing up? Regular uncontrollable flatulence?

[hightower]

Is that why ewan/charlie wannabees go everywhere standing up? Regular uncontrollable flatulence?

That's right, it's just a common courtesy when group riding, much like waving to other bikers. Some people do it, but those that don't I class as p*** ignorant  :rollin

[fazersharp]

2) the nut that turns up right in the middle of your garage that you dropped two weeks ago and spent 2 hours looking for during a half hour job

I swear to god there are some kind of "nut fairies" that hide it and are pissing themselves watching as you look for it

[Dead Eye]

2) the nut that turns up right in the middle of your garage that you dropped two weeks ago and spent 2 hours looking for during a half hour job

I swear to god there are some kind of "nut fairies" that hide it and are pissing themselves watching as you look for it

Agreed and I swear every time I hear or see it go in one direction, it ends up re-appearing somewhere completely different... drop it in the garage, find it behind the TV in the living room... of a friends house... in a different city :\

[Gary]

~General bike tip ~

When travelling with others to a toll booth in bad weather and the operator shouts out "only one bike at a time as the barrier will drop" ... Make sure your ears are turned up .. cos them barriers are right bast*rd on your neck/lid! Managed to keep it up right but gave the operator an earful after walking back that he speaks the fook up next time cos he'd be helping lift the bike if it dropped.

[Lez72]

[quote author=fazersharp link=topic=11825.msg130525#msg130525 date=1393592035]

2) the nut that turns up right in the middle of your garage that you dropped two weeks ago and spent 2 hours looking for during a half hour job

I swear to god there are some kind of "nut fairies" that hide it and are pissing themselves watching as you look for it

Agreed and I swear every time I hear or see it go in one direction, it ends up re-appearing somewhere completely different... drop it in the garage, find it behind the TV in the living room... of a friends house... in a different city :\
[/quote]

I'm glad this is not just me. I like to try and apply a certain degree of logic when I have found myself in this situation but logic goes totally out the window. Note to self: Try looking in the least logical place first  :\

[dcurzon]

See attached pic... Sums it up

[devilsyam]

When treating bike with acf50 keep off discs
When kitting up for pouring rain take keys out pocket first

When using bike cover protect screen as will scratch

If you sneeze make sure visor up

When putting side stand down make sure engine off first less the gear shift you hit

[rustyrider]

If you ride something like a Ducati single where the exhaust pipe is held into the head by a threaded collar which periodically works itself loose, when you start the bike and notice that the downpipe is rattling and the exhaust is blowing, do not stop after you've covered 100 yards or so, grab hold of the downpipe with one (bare) hand to push it into place while screwing the collar in with the other (bare) hand.  The handprint burnt into the downpipe will not polish off no matter how hard you try and the smell every time you stop at traffic lights reminds you of pork crackling.  However, you could commit all sorts of crime for the next month with little chance of being caught as you have no fingerprints........

Guess who once owned a Ducati single........

[Skippernick]

If you ride something like a Ducati single where the exhaust pipe is held into the head by a threaded collar which periodically works itself loose, when you start the bike and notice that the downpipe is rattling and the exhaust is blowing, do not stop after you've covered 100 yards or so, grab hold of the downpipe with one (bare) hand to push it into place while screwing the collar in with the other (bare) hand.  The handprint burnt into the downpipe will not polish off no matter how hard you try and the smell every time you stop at traffic lights reminds you of pork crackling.  However, you could commit all sorts of crime for the next month with little chance of being caught as you have no fingerprints........

Guess who once owned a Ducati single........

Ouch

[UG]

When getting off the bike at Bourton on the water, make sure Raz is there to hold your bike up as you slide along the kerb on wet leafs.