Just a joke

[dazza]

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur.......A lickalotopussy

[lew600fazer]

Nike has made a shoe for lesbians,
  it's called Nikes for Dykes,  it's got 50% more tongue and you can get it off with one finger  :lol

:thumbup

[rustyrider]

Ikea have just announced the Lesbian bed.  No screwing, it's all tongue and groove......

[unfazed]

Litle boy arrives late for school,
Teachers asks him why he is late
Little boy says "Our horse fell down a hole and I had to get the gun for my dad to shoot the horse"
Teached ask " Did he shoot him in the hole"
Little boy says "No sir, he shot him in the head"

[nick crisp]

So Rolf Harris is a paedophile.
It's a pity we don't have some big island on the other side of the world we can send people like this to, to keep them out of trouble...

[dr bong]

What's the smallest pub in Britain?
The Thalidomide Arms

What's black & crispy and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking after a house fire

[Ebme Geek]

The Royal Mail have released a new stamp with a picture of a womans clitoris on it.
However, it has been withdrawn,
  as only 5% of men knew where to lick it !    :lol

[lew600fazer]

Blonde jokes, I have robbed from elsewhere, at least I'm being honest.
Q: Why did the blonde get blown up into pieces
A:  Because she bought a Palestinian Blow Up Doll from the Sex Shop.
Where is the door I'll return for the coat later.
Lew . :\

[ChristoT]

Blonde jokes, I have robbed from elsewhere, at least I'm being honest.
Q: Why did the blonde get blown up into pieces
A:  Because she bought a Palestinian Blow Up Doll from the Sex Shop.
Where is the door I'll return for the coat later.
Lew . :\

:rollin :rollin :rollin

[Lazarus]

My wife said that going back to work would be the hardest thing to do, having to juggle between looking after a family and holding down a full time job.
She obviously has never tried to have a wank with a laptop on her knees.


Andrex brought out a new range of toilet paper. It has the outline of "middle eastern ethnic minority groups"
You need to try and colour in as you wipe - extra points for keeping within the lines.





any coats left?

[lew600fazer]

My mate mentioned this to me , not a joke but he heard a guy calling this out in Belfast.
This way for Belfast Tours.
Just say it to yourself a few times , made me chuckle,  :evil
Lew

[Dead Eye]

I don't get it :|

[lew600fazer]

I don't get it :|

Belfast Tours    Whores get it now?? maybe you need a Belfast accent like I have?

[lew600fazer]

My ex wife could manipulate her muscles in her fanny so it felt like getting a blow job..........which is why I divorced her when she manipulated her muscles in her mouth she sounded like a cunt

:rollin :rollin :rollin

[lew600fazer]

[size=1em]The British Stiff Upper Lip lives on.[/size]

[size=1em]On a train from London to Manchester a drunk Australian was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.

"You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me... I'm ME! I have Italian blood, Greek blood, a little Irish blood, and some Aborigine blood. What do you say to that ?"

The Englishman replied, "Awfully sporting of your mother, old chap!!!"[/size]

[lew600fazer]

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had
given their new wives duties.

Terry had married a woman from Florida, and bragged that he had told his wife she needed to do all the dishes and housework. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

Jimmie had married a woman from Canada. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, he dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married an IRISH girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry and ironing twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a handyman

[lew600fazer]

A man goes into Boots and says: “Have you got Viagra?” “Do you have a prescription?,” asks the chemist. “No,” he replies, “But I’ve got a photograph of the wife...”
Got me coat.

[lew600fazer]

Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are at a Christmas party and each had to bring something to do with Christmas. Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, Scotsman brought a bag of holly and the Irishman brought a pair of knickers. I asked, ‘What’s that got to do with Christmas?’ He said, ‘They’re Carol’s.’
Can I come back in yet? getting cold out here 

[red98]

Two eskimos in a canoe, they get cold, light a fire, the canoe sinks.
Which just goes to show, you can't have your kayak and heat it!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

showing your age there nick........frank muir +dennis norden,you must be nearly as old as me  :lol :lol

[bigbluebear]

I went into a chemist and asked for a packet of condoms, she said they didn't have any try Boots.....I said I wanted to shag fuck out her not kick fuck out her