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Just a joke
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22-08-13, 12:04 AM
The 'phone rang last night and the wife answered it. Someone was breathing heavily on the other end and said to her: "I bet you've got a tight arse with no hair."
She replied: "Yes, he's just watching the telly, who shall I say is calling?". :rollin :rollin
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22-08-13, 01:31 PM
An Irish Biker goes to the Doctor in great pain
"Dactor, Dactor it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot". So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible"he says, "there is a £20 note lodged up here." Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's arse, and then a £1 pound coin appears. "This is amazing!" exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to do?" "Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!"shrieks the patient. The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc..... Finally the last note comes out and no more appear. "Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly Sor, dat's moch batter now so it is. Just out of interest, How moch was in dare den?" The Doctor counts the pile of cash and says "£1,991 exactly." "Ah, dat'd be roit,'' says the Irishman, I knew I wasn't feeling two grand." [img alt=:164:]http://cbf1000.com/Smileys/cbf1000/164.gif[/img]
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22-08-13, 06:38 PM
![[Image: 208008.png]](http://badges.fuelly.com/images/smallsig-uk/208008.png) It wouldn't be fun if it was easy, I just wish it wasn't this much fun.
22-08-13, 10:52 PM
So maybe my jokes are crap. Maybe I do not understand how the forum operates yet.
try this one for size then. Shetlander walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his cousin is lying in bed reading. The Shetlander says: "This be the cow I spend me nights with when ye've got a headache." His cousin replies: "Ye be daft, beuy! That be a sheep!" The Shetlander replies: "I wasn'a talkin' to ye!"
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23-08-13, 07:12 PM
Oi! :eek I live in Shetland :evil
Having said that there are some people I can think of that fit this joke... Chris It wouldn't be fun if it was easy, I just wish it wasn't this much fun.
25-08-13, 09:53 PM
At the funeral of a traffic warden the coffin was being lowered into the grave when a knocking was heard from within. A muffled voice pleaded, "Let me out, I'm not dead!"
The vicar replied, "Sorry Pal, but I've already done the paperwork". :rollin From another forum Lew
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25-08-13, 10:18 PM
:lol Just desserts indeed!
Two aerials on a roof, they meet, fall in love, get married. The wedding ceremony was rubbish, but the reception was brilliant! Ha, I can come up with worse jokes than you Lew :lol Race you to the coat room... 
25-08-13, 10:57 PM
(25-08-13, 10:18 PM)nick crisp link Wrote: :lol Just desserts indeed! Innuendo - exactly what it says on the tin. I'm already in the coat room... :lol :lol
The Deef's apprentice
26-08-13, 01:22 PM
I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said: "I love you".
She said; "Is that you or the beer talking?" I replied: "It’s me talking to my beer. Now that is pretty poor. :rolleyes
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26-08-13, 04:47 PM
Two eskimos in a canoe, they get cold, light a fire, the canoe sinks.
Which just goes to show, you can't have your kayak and heat it! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
26-08-13, 07:49 PM
(23-08-13, 07:12 PM)Chris link Wrote: Oi! :eek I live in Shetland :evil :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol
More people are born because of alcohol than will ever die from it.
26-08-13, 10:35 PM
(26-08-13, 04:47 PM)nick crisp link Wrote: Two eskimos in a canoe, they get cold, light a fire, the canoe sinks.Now I like that 10 out of 10 :thumbup
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27-08-13, 12:08 AM
(26-08-13, 10:37 PM)nick crisp link Wrote: I can only ever remember very short jokes! :\ Talking of short jokes... :lol What do you get if you cross a dwarf with a computer? A short circuit! I'll see myself out... :rofl
The Deef's apprentice
27-08-13, 12:18 AM
a couple of my worst (dad/kid jokes?):
What do you call a Fish with no eyes? A Fsh ____________ A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything." ____________ A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." Now... were is that coat....aha! ![[Image: getmecoat.gif]](http://www.vivapotenza.com/images/smilies/getmecoat.gif) 
27-08-13, 08:34 AM
A friend of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan. He is making his own land mines that look like prayer mats.
It's doing well. he says Prophets are going through the roof. No offence intended to anyone who may have served out there. :rolleyes
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27-08-13, 06:06 PM
(27-08-13, 08:34 AM)lew600fazer link Wrote: A friend of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan. He is making his own land mines that look like prayer mats. :rollin :rollin :rollin
27-08-13, 11:45 PM
Two Irishmen sitting in a pub having a pint of the Black stuff.
Pat says to Mick, Why do men fart more than women? Mick, dats easy Pat, They never shut up long enough to let the gas build up. Sorry coat door I'm gone. :rolleyes Lew
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