Just a joke

[nick crisp]

:thumbup

:lol

[dazza]

Two men standing in a queue, both with black eyes. One said to the other. "How did you get that mate"?    "Well I went to buy a train ticket and got a bit distracted by the lady serving me, she had lovely tits and instead of asking for a return to Birmingham I ended  up saying bosom. How did you get yours"?
"That's unbelievable", he said, "the same thing happened to me, I was having tea with my wife and I meant to say...Can you pass me the salt please but I ended up saying...You ruined my life you fat ugly cunt.

[Lampwick]

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lottery! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!






They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly :rollin

[nick crisp]

A mechanic noticed his colleague drinking brake fluid from the bottle.

Hey man, you can't drink that stuff!

Relax, it tastes good and I don't drink it that often, said the colleague

Yeah but it's real bad for you man, that stuff is poison! replied the mechanic.

Hey, back off! said the colleague, getting angry. It's my choice and I can stop anytime I want!





Fer chrissakes......... :lol

[Dead Eye]

I don't get it :|

[Skippernick]

I don't get it :|

"STOP any time i like" he's drinking brake fluid

[red98]

give him time....hes dreaming about the new thou  :lol

[nick crisp]

[quote author=Dead Eye link=topic=9499.msg107900#msg107900 date=1381950912]
I don't get it :|

"STOP any time i like" he's drinking brake fluid
[/quote]


fer chrissakes....... :lol :lol

[Dead Eye]

Ah ok, I completely missed that punch line - thought the "fer chrissakes" was it and got confused... picking up the thou tomorrow ^^ Exciting times ^^

[red98]

pictures tomorrow night....

[Andy FZS]

Pictures at the ceremonial hand over and then some more after you've had some fun.

[Exupnut]

But none of ur knickers after u experience the raw POWER and shit urself lol and watch out fer those double apex. Gauranteed to fill ur frilly's on a litre.

[Dead Eye]

Just so that I don't hijack yet another thread;

An old lady asked me to help her across the road with her bag.

"What's in it for me?" I asked.

"My beautiful daughter," she winked.

"Really?" I replied. "She must be fucking tiny."

[nick crisp]

A 6' 5'' skinhead was giving me evil looks down the pub the other night, so I said to him, if you keep looking at me like that, you'll be spending the night in A & E.

I'd like to see you fucking try, you little cunt, he said.

So I stabbed his wife.

[CRH]

A 6' 5'' skinhead was giving me evil looks down the pub the other night, so I said to him, if you keep looking at me like that, you'll be spending the night in A & E.

I'd like to see you fucking try, you little cunt, he said.

So I stabbed his wife.

....you wasnt there night after?....when he come back again with jump leads round his neck and a car battery under his fkn arm?...i fucked off incase he started something? :rolleyes

[nick crisp]

[quote author=nick crisp link=topic=9499.msg107937#msg107937 date=1381957735]
A 6' 5'' skinhead was giving me evil looks down the pub the other night, so I said to him, if you keep looking at me like that, you'll be spending the night in A & E.

I'd like to see you fucking try, you little cunt, he said.

So I stabbed his wife.

....you wasnt there night after?....when he come back again with jump leads round his neck and a car battery under his fkn arm?...i fucked off incase he started something? :rolleyes
[/quote]

:rollin

[Robbie8666]

Some corkers here, but 113 posts in and no-ones mentioned this peach? 




It's St George's Day, and a Welshman, Scotsman and an Irishman are in a pub when an Englishman bursts in and shouts "Drinks all round barman, we're having a toast! My son was born today, and being a true Englishman I've named him George!"

Welshman turns and says "Congratulations! My lad was born on St David's Day and being A true Welshman I named him David."

Scotsman says "Funny you should say that, my lad was born on St Andrew's Day and being A true Scot I named him Andrew."

Irishman says "Bejeesus this is a coincidence! Wait 'til I get home and tell our Pancake!"

Love this one as my nephew was born on pancake day and so thats what he is known as within the family! lol  :rollin :rollin :rollin

[CRH]

two irish sea scouts died today?....there tent sunk :rolleyes

[CRH]

did you hear about the irishman who thought ..bacteria"..was the rear entrance to a cafe"...and the irish cat that  had a shit and buried itself!!

[slimwilly]

[color=rgb(51, 51, 51)]A Manc and a Scouser go into Greggs. [/color]
[color=rgb(51, 51, 51)]The Scouser nicks 3 pies, puts them in his pocket then boasts to the Manc : "did you see that? The staff never saw me". [/color]
[color=rgb(51, 51, 51)]The Manc says "That's fuck all watch this". So the Manc says to the manager, Give me a pie and I'll show you some magic. Eats the pie in front of him and does the same thing 3 times. [/color]
[color=rgb(51, 51, 51)]Pissed off, the manager says Where's the magic ? The Manc replies go and check that scouser's pocket !![/color]