Serious advice needed please.

[Tiberius Onklevaart]

How can I get Nigel Slater to marry me?

He's not in his usual spot in the observer today and I feel lost.
I can only deduce that I must stalk him and have him be my beau.
Indeed I risk injunctions and the like but spunking over the life size canvas print on my wall just isn't enough any more.

I am empty without him and sensual description of chips and halibut. His extolling of the virtues of crunchy nuts in a bean and chorizo stew. His magnificent  verbalising of sweetcorn fritters on a beach in Manky-on-sea. All I have is self loathing and misplaced longing scaling down my soul like an overcooked chowder

I must have him.

Please help

[richfzs]

Raymy is back.....

:rollin

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[Tiberius Onklevaart]

Thats just not constructive Richard.  I even detect a slightly mocking tone.

My heart aches and all you can do is take the piss. I used to think we were pals.

HARUMPH! !!!!

[richfzs]

Truly, Raymond, I do feel your pain. It's just, well, I don't mean to be harsh, but you're just so bloody fickle. It might be nigel slater that is the intended recipient of your baby gravy this week, but soon, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, you'll have moved from Nige's gushing descriptions of food to James Martin's "I want to be your best mate, but even I know I'm too much of a cock to have real friends" false palliness.

I know this will hurt, but it's for your own good - you have to forget these celebrity chefs!

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[Tiberius Onklevaart]

How dare you!!!!!!


HOW BLOODY GODDAMN DARE YOU!!!!!


The beautiful Nige is not a  celebchef
You ruffian.

[Tiberius Onklevaart]

Its RaymUnd by the way, no joke.
Ze jehrmaahn spelleeng, ja?

[richfzs]

:thumbup

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[Tiberius Onklevaart]

James martin, pfft. Ye think I'm any old sort of tart or what?
The holy Nige is an instinctive and impulsive cook. None of this striving for a michelin star despite my northern accent bollocks. Even ramsey had to not sound like he was from paisley to be noticed

[Tiberius Onklevaart]

He's back. Oh my he's back.

I was about to call the the coastguard an everythin.

But Nige, you return understatedly yet glorious all the same with this

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2...lt-recipes




In Nigel we trust.

I obviously need to change my ways and embrace the Mighty Nige by doing some salt






Although the popcorn sounds awrite

[Looney tune]

And for tonights menu sir, we have :- Starter of Ox CHEEKS
                                                          Fish course HalliBUT
                                                          Main Toad in the HOLE
                                                          Desert Fresh cream trifle


Enjoy your meal pal 

[Tiberius Onklevaart]

Thats some thin ice there. Be careful

[Looney tune]

Never was good at the skating thing.