Thank you for the additional replies. Also the replies describing similar situations witnessed/you've experienced. I've read every one plus taken alot of accounts into consideration.
At the weekend at one point I sensed she was getting out of control, I left the room and was on the other side of the door (holding it shut). She threw something that went through the glass window in the door, shattering the glass onto me on the other side, cutting my legs in the process. I cleaned myself up, wasn't bad enough to require a hospital visit though. I've taken photos as evidence to support my case!!
While this is destroying my character, confidence, plus mental state too, I was thinking about it... I could walk (as alot have said), which would restore my life, however in the process I would permanently shatter my young children's lives, with their Daddy walking out of the door permanently. Which would be selfish of me.
For their upbringing, I think there is no choice but to stick this out. As has been said, it's not a good environment for them (seeing what's going on), however having both parents in the house is still beneficial - at least until they are in their late teens and heading off to University or moving out, then I can do my own thing.
I have been on the verge of suicide in the past, with the scene set, however it was thinking about my children (at that moment) at home waiting for me to walk back in the door that stopped me carrying it out.
Hmmm, I'm sure that sticking it out til the kids have grown up is laudable on one level but think about it for a minute - how many years of increasing domestic violence (which is what this is, let's be clear) should they have to put up with? How far will you let things go before it gets too much? it's already potentially life-threatening - we're in potential "restraining order" territory here. Your house sounds like a war zone. If you "walked" would you be out of their lives permanently? Emphatically no. You have a great case for shared custody; it's not like the old days of "the mother gets the kids, dad sees them Sunday afternoon". You can have a decent life, 50% of the time with your kids, and she can (hopefully) calm the foc down without you around. This has got to be a healthier environment than what's happening now. It wouldn't shatter your kids' lives, fella - kids are not daft, they are adaptable and they will get an understanding of situations quicker than you think. My wife left her husband (for several good reasons) and they initially railed against Dad not being around all of the time . But they soon got used to it, were happy generally, and (crucially) came to understand why mum and dad split up. No blame bandied around, just "you two weren't working together". They're both happy well adjusted young adults now.
I'm not about to tell you what to do, but I will say look long and hard at all the possibilities beyond just sticking it out. Whatever, you will need to take careful note of everything she does when, where, how and with pictures ideally. Minute, complete detail. Maybe also think about finding your local men's group or somewhere where you can talk openly about what's going on for you. Doing that will allow you to get a perspective, air some ideas. Whatever you do, good luck...
Like I said - no-one deserves to live like this. Not you, and especially not your kids.
I think the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is to talk to a professional who is trained in how to deal with these situations. Speaking to someone will take a huge weight off your back and help you work out what to do next. You looking after your own physical and mental health is not being selfish, it's the best thing you can do to help your kids.
(24-08-18, 10:35 PM)fazersharp link Wrote: My Mrs has no interest in my bike - she even calls it a Frazer :rolleyes
We're all doomed, doomed I tell ye!
(28-08-18, 07:43 PM)His Dudeness link Wrote: I think the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is to talk to a professional who is trained in how to deal with these situations. Speaking to someone will take a huge weight off your back and help you work out what to do next. You looking after your own physical and mental health is not being selfish, it's the best thing you can do to help your kids.
Wot he said.... really....
28-08-18, 09:19 PM
(This post was last modified: 28-08-18, 09:22 PM by VNA.)
Quote:While this is destroying my character, confidence, plus mental state too, I was thinking about it... I could walk (as alot have said), which would restore my life, however in the process I would permanently shatter my young children's lives, with their Daddy walking out of the door permanently. Which would be selfish of me.
If you can't look after yourself, you ain't gonna be able to look after anybody else.
And you ain't gonna sort it out on a bike forum. You need to go and get help.
And remember you ain't the problem here. Get help and starting moving towards getting in control of your life, for the sake of yourself, and your kids.
What VNA said or this situation will have a tragic out come where the violence will only escalate until every body involved will be the loser.
Abuse is abuse no matter where it comes from. It's not ok and you don't have to put up with it.
Although it is admirable that you want to stay for your children, what you are actually doing is giving them a standard by which to measure their future relationships. It might be worth finding a proper organisation, website or group for in depth support. They will help you to make the best and safest decisions for you, your partner and your children.
Best of luck.
(28-08-18, 09:19 PM)VNA link Wrote: Quote:While this is destroying my character, confidence, plus mental state too, I was thinking about it... I could walk (as alot have said), which would restore my life, however in the process I would permanently shatter my young children's lives, with their Daddy walking out of the door permanently. Which would be selfish of me.
If you can't look after yourself, you ain't gonna be able to look after anybody else.
And you ain't gonna sort it out on a bike forum. You need to go and get help.
And remember you ain't the problem here. Get help and starting moving towards getting in control of your life, for the sake of yourself, and your kids.
Totally true that (what VNA says above in Bold).
Perhaps I just wanted to reach out. To hear all your words, to hear the reality of what I'm going through, from an outsiders perspective.
I have been humbled plus touched by all your responses, considering the expected persona of a "macho" biking forum. 
I will pursue professional help. Perhaps on my own to start, as I wouldn't want my wife to see this decision as another "weakness" to use against me.
Thank you all. :thumbup
Mate get a new partner...... if she believes she can destroy your things or control what you do she doesnt really care for you its just about what she gets out of the relationship... dont have a one side partnership
Also do yourself a favour and get hidden cameras for when she does attack you destory your bike and do it quickly the more you can protect yourself in court the better becuase the courts allways.... think the crying weeping women is ther innocent party because thats part of the manipulation technics that women use............................................................. a friend of mine years ago had the same thing she would hurt herself and call the police throw herself down the stairs (etc)...... i onec got nicked for smoking weed and saw the police dragging my friend up the stairs by his ankles with his head bouncing of the stairs and i flipped and was like the fuck are you doing... they said dont worry he beats his wife....... which i said i know the guy its the other way arround and if he needs a witness i will and they immediatley dropped him he was bloodied and bruised and i ended up in court defending my friend
Quote:Totally true that (what VNA says above in Bold).
Perhaps I just wanted to reach out. To hear all your words, to hear the reality of what I'm going through, from an outsiders perspective.
You are welcome.
I'm not sure where you should start. GP's are quite good up here (bonnie Scotland), would help and point you in the direction of further help.
As other's have said, keep notes or a diary, record evidence and keep it all safe.
Your situation sounds pretty serious, and all I can say is taking those first steps to get control of your life back is surely the most important thing you can do. And in turn, in due course, you'll be able to help your kids.
Feel free to post back and let us all know how you are getting on. Hope the bike is now safely stashed away!
(30-08-18, 01:41 PM)psyfi_1 link Wrote: Also do yourself a favour and get hidden cameras for when she does attack you destory your bike and do it quickly the more you can protect yourself in court the better becuase the courts allways.... think the crying weeping women is ther innocent party because thats part of the manipulation technics that women use...... +1
How goes it, any progress getting things sorted..?
I can see the hidden camera's suggestions backfiring.
I bet they'd say that it's inadmissible evidence because she wasn't aware and didn't give her consent to them being there in what's a private dwelling.
Personally i'd try and smooth things over with one of those treat holidays where you can swim with the sharks.
I think it's sharks.......or maybe dolphins.......same difference, they both have fins. :thumbup
More people are born because of alcohol than will ever die from it.
another quality thread from our members and that's why I've stuck around for nearly 20 years. Come on here and ask anything (you'll sometimes have the piss taken but you also get great advice)
well done to everyone who's offered advice in this thread
my two penny worth.......I've never experienced the OP's situation but I've had cause to seek professional help and believe me, talking does help. The male psyche is such that we keep it all bottled in and tell no one, we either explode or get depressed and top ourselves. You have taken the first step mate by opening up on here, next step is your GP but if you see him/her and say you're anxious/depressed then some give you a number to ring and you then get a telephone assessment before they make the appointment to see you. This is a tick box exercise......literally. The answers you give will ultimately give you a score and they base the appointment on that score. Bear in mind that the appointment may take 3 months to materialise so get the GP's sooner rather than later to get things moving.
There's been good advice given on here upto now, heed it. As has been said......you cannot look after anyone else if you cannot look after yourself. The bike is the least of your problems. You and the kids are THE PRIORITY
best of luck mate
fire never sleeps
(08-09-18, 04:53 AM)YamFazFan link Wrote: I can see the hidden camera's suggestions backfiring.
I bet they'd say that it's inadmissible evidence because she wasn't aware and didn't give her consent to them being there in what's a private dwelling.
If it's the OP's house, he has every right to put in cameras to protect his property without notifying anyone. Provided he's not taking images of someone in the bathroom or toilet, AFAIK it's legal:
https://www.spyequipmentuk.co.uk/spy-laws/
Interesting link Grahamm.
It's purely speculation, but I just wondered if there would be an issue with using the footage as evidence if it was gathered without the other persons consent when they are a joint owner/tenant.
Really feel for you. Best option is a dictaphone to record her. Easily kept in pocket. Record everything so that if you decide to take action you have proof. 
If it's broken, it's not fixed.
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