Things I learnt with my first car

[Val]

Here are few more car tips:

When you smoke in the car don't wear short pants.
If you do a hooker avoid using the front seat if the car is on a hill. The hooker will kick the gear in neutral.
If you hit an ice patch on the motorway in the winter there is not much you can do. Gentle with the steering wheel after few spins the car will stop eventually.
Never go in the middle of a nowhere without a lady. If your alternator/pump belt brakes in the middle of nowhere use the lady tights as a replacement belt.
Never drink drive. If you do don't ride with 10mph in the night. If a cop stop you and drop your license on the floor, the cop is so drunk he can't get the license - help him. You'll be fine.
If you get out of disco in 2am and try to drive the car backwards to show off to your friends - you probably will hit a barrier in front of cops so drunk that they will don't mind it.
If you are drunk and traveling on the bonnet of a car hold on tight. Same rule is valid for the car roof.

I also am proud of the fact that in 40 years of motoring I have never caused nor been involved in a serious accident  :lol