20-07-15, 01:53 AM
(19-07-15, 11:16 PM)Frosties link Wrote: Unfortunately, sometimes you are stuck between a rock and a hard place and have no choice but to simply bumble on with it
I have a choice. Carrying on in the current situation however, is not an option. One way or another, things will change for me soon. I had been thinking I was making the sensible choice; ensure I have a roof over my head for the foreseeable future. But will it just be a trap in which I will quickly stale out?
I'm a smoker, for 30 years now. Not likely to change. I've smashed myself up pretty good over the years, and I have all kinds of increasing problems to look forward to from that. For some time now, I've kidded myself that at least I can be comfortable at home, but that no longer seems to be the case, so perhaps the idea of a nice, safe home is losing it's attraction for me.
Live for the now (which is pretty much what I've done for most of my life anyway), or try to secure my future? What future do I have to look forward to anyway? See above? That probably comes across as pretty depressing, but that's not how I actually see it. To put it in a more positive light, maybe I'm missing an opportunity if I go down the "expected" route?
I have no ties, I have no dependants. This should be an easier decision for me than it would be for many, but.....conditioning? Brainwashing? Part of me says it shouldn't even be a difficult choice to make. So why am I dithering about it? What do I need to kickstart me? Aren't all the reasons already there?