18-09-12, 11:42 PM
The first one is simple. I dropped the test bike outside the test center just as I arrived. Right in front of a large pane of glass behind which were all the other people out for a fail.
Second one is a bit more long winded and goes back to my sorry yoof, and it's all true, apart from the illegal bits of course.
I was sharing a house with a mate of mine (who got me into bikes). He had just bought a little 200cc cruiser, can't remember the make. Anyway, he said I could take it out for a ride one day. Anyway, he was at work (on a Sunday) and I decided that today was the day I rode his bike, so I hotwired it (that reminds of a moped incident on an RAF base when I was 10 but that's another story - actually embarrassing as well but can be excused because I was only 10).
So off I tootle. This was the first time I'd ever ridden a motorbike mind you (apart from the Moped when I was 10 and that doesn't really count). First embarrassing moment was going round a dual carriage ring-road in an old English town on the A1. I couldn't turn the bike (I didn't know how to lean). As I neared the kerb I ended up doing that kind of one legged pedalling motion that you do on pushbikes sometimes, well it go me round the bend...just.
I decide to take off for quieter roads and ended up taking a back road out of my village that I didn't know too well, as I didn't drive either at the time (so no licence..you can see where this is going). As I'm pootling along, the road starts getting all bouncy, and I start to feel a little out of control. At the same time the road narrows and there's a line of gravel in the middle.
Now I knew that gravel was bad, so I got on the left hand side of it because there was a crest coming up and the road went to the left, giving me a fair chance of making it round without hitting the gravel. No it didn't, it went right and now I'm stuck, but what's this - a grass verge..I'm saved! I decided to ride onto the verge and slow down gradually, nothing wounded other than my pride, which I didn't have too much of anyway being an ignorant twat full of his clog.
Well, again, no. There was a large 'bump' in the grass which sent me up into the air, the bike carried on of course. I land on my arse and bang my head (I did have a helmet on!). The bike, however, hadn't finished it's ride-out so it decided to lock it's front wheel into the newly forming ditch and carry on riding without me. It fell over about 20 yards in, over on to it's right hand side. The handlebar dug in, which twisted the throttle. The bike had now turned itself upside down and was screaming the scream that only neutral can deliver.
I crawled over to the bike, leant across to turn the ignition off and burnt my arm on the exhaust (still have the scar).
So, now I'm in a ditch. I crawl out and contemplate how I'm going to get the bike out. I start to drag it when a nice lady in a shiny 4x4 drives up and asks me if I'm ok. So there I am, no licence, no insurance and a stolen bike I have, literally, ditched. "Yes" says I, "no problem" says I (please **ck off I'm thinking). She gives me a funny look but does drive off.
I manage to get the bike out of the ditch and start wheeling it back to the village, but it's in some kind of 'odd' gear, that is half neutral, half clunk and half nose dive. I eventually get back to the outskirts of the village whereupon I park the bike outside a row of houses and set off to find a phone box.
So now I'm calling my mate up. I didn't pussy around, I told him I'd broken his new toy and all he said was 'wait there'. Fortunately for me a couple of biker mates showed up and were chatting to me when my mate arrives on his KR1 (postage size pillion, about 1ft above the rider). I honestly thought he was going to nut me with his lid on, but he just said 'get on bike'. Being a sheepish wimp I did as bid, I was also a bit sorry as well I suppose.
Anyway, 80mph round the **cking ring road, pegs down in front of the cop shop with sparks flying into the top of my boots. We get back to the house where we pick up his van to go and get the bike.
When we get there to load the bike up, someone comes out of the house. I'd forgotted that this was where another of my mates parents lived. He said 'is this your bike'..'because I thought it was dodgy and have phoned the police'.
Well, that bike fairly levitated into the back of the van. We passed the cops about 200 yards up the road going the other way.
He never made me pay for the bike, he never even mentioned it again. He is still my oldest mate (since we were 11). However, before you think I've gotten away scot free he does, on occassion, bore the living shit out of me...and I don't complain.
Second one is a bit more long winded and goes back to my sorry yoof, and it's all true, apart from the illegal bits of course.
I was sharing a house with a mate of mine (who got me into bikes). He had just bought a little 200cc cruiser, can't remember the make. Anyway, he said I could take it out for a ride one day. Anyway, he was at work (on a Sunday) and I decided that today was the day I rode his bike, so I hotwired it (that reminds of a moped incident on an RAF base when I was 10 but that's another story - actually embarrassing as well but can be excused because I was only 10).
So off I tootle. This was the first time I'd ever ridden a motorbike mind you (apart from the Moped when I was 10 and that doesn't really count). First embarrassing moment was going round a dual carriage ring-road in an old English town on the A1. I couldn't turn the bike (I didn't know how to lean). As I neared the kerb I ended up doing that kind of one legged pedalling motion that you do on pushbikes sometimes, well it go me round the bend...just.
I decide to take off for quieter roads and ended up taking a back road out of my village that I didn't know too well, as I didn't drive either at the time (so no licence..you can see where this is going). As I'm pootling along, the road starts getting all bouncy, and I start to feel a little out of control. At the same time the road narrows and there's a line of gravel in the middle.
Now I knew that gravel was bad, so I got on the left hand side of it because there was a crest coming up and the road went to the left, giving me a fair chance of making it round without hitting the gravel. No it didn't, it went right and now I'm stuck, but what's this - a grass verge..I'm saved! I decided to ride onto the verge and slow down gradually, nothing wounded other than my pride, which I didn't have too much of anyway being an ignorant twat full of his clog.
Well, again, no. There was a large 'bump' in the grass which sent me up into the air, the bike carried on of course. I land on my arse and bang my head (I did have a helmet on!). The bike, however, hadn't finished it's ride-out so it decided to lock it's front wheel into the newly forming ditch and carry on riding without me. It fell over about 20 yards in, over on to it's right hand side. The handlebar dug in, which twisted the throttle. The bike had now turned itself upside down and was screaming the scream that only neutral can deliver.
I crawled over to the bike, leant across to turn the ignition off and burnt my arm on the exhaust (still have the scar).
So, now I'm in a ditch. I crawl out and contemplate how I'm going to get the bike out. I start to drag it when a nice lady in a shiny 4x4 drives up and asks me if I'm ok. So there I am, no licence, no insurance and a stolen bike I have, literally, ditched. "Yes" says I, "no problem" says I (please **ck off I'm thinking). She gives me a funny look but does drive off.
I manage to get the bike out of the ditch and start wheeling it back to the village, but it's in some kind of 'odd' gear, that is half neutral, half clunk and half nose dive. I eventually get back to the outskirts of the village whereupon I park the bike outside a row of houses and set off to find a phone box.
So now I'm calling my mate up. I didn't pussy around, I told him I'd broken his new toy and all he said was 'wait there'. Fortunately for me a couple of biker mates showed up and were chatting to me when my mate arrives on his KR1 (postage size pillion, about 1ft above the rider). I honestly thought he was going to nut me with his lid on, but he just said 'get on bike'. Being a sheepish wimp I did as bid, I was also a bit sorry as well I suppose.
Anyway, 80mph round the **cking ring road, pegs down in front of the cop shop with sparks flying into the top of my boots. We get back to the house where we pick up his van to go and get the bike.
When we get there to load the bike up, someone comes out of the house. I'd forgotted that this was where another of my mates parents lived. He said 'is this your bike'..'because I thought it was dodgy and have phoned the police'.
Well, that bike fairly levitated into the back of the van. We passed the cops about 200 yards up the road going the other way.
He never made me pay for the bike, he never even mentioned it again. He is still my oldest mate (since we were 11). However, before you think I've gotten away scot free he does, on occassion, bore the living shit out of me...and I don't complain.