An English man , a Scotsman and an Irishman want to go to the Olympic games but don't have tickets. As they are walking to the venue they pass a building site.
The Englishman spots a scaffolding pole picks it up and goes to entrance , He says George pole vault and they let him in. The Scotsman sees a grating and says Jimmy discus, the Irishman sees a roll of barbed wire and says Shemaus, fencing
MT-09 Tracer for those who no longer can handle a BIG boy Fazer
25-03-17, 02:13 AM
(This post was last modified: 25-03-17, 02:15 AM by celticdog.)
Dundonian Women
[color=rgb(35, 35, 35)]The first man married a woman from London. He told her that she
was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on
the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put
away.
The second man married a woman from Edinburgh. He gave his wife
orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first
day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the
third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a
huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a Dundee [/color]Girl . He ordered her to keep the house
cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table
for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day
he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone
down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed
enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
He still has some difficulty when he pees.
Treat everything in life the way a dog would- if you can't eat it or foc it, forget it.
A wee Irish man (Paddy) is walking down the road with his two new dogs proud as punch. A wee scotsman (Jimmy) walking the other way says' nice dogs Paddy,are they Jack Russell's?' Paddy says angrily 'no there mine!!'
25-03-17, 10:40 AM
(This post was last modified: 25-03-17, 10:40 AM by darrsi.)
Did you hear about the thoughtful Scotsman who was heading out to the pub? He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, 'Jackie - put your hat and coat on lassie.'
She replied, 'Awe Iain that's nice - are you taking me to the pub with you?'
'Nah, I'm just switching the central heating off while I'm oot.'
More people are born because of alcohol than will ever die from it.
Corbyn and May decide to go out and meet voters in the country areas, so they go to an outfitters in London and buy tweed clothing, sturdy brogue type shoes and hire a Labrador dog thinking they will be just like country folk.
they stop off at a village pub in the Cotswolds to have a drink and meet some of the locals.
They are standing at the bar with their dog and every now and then someone from the other side of the bar comes round and lifts their dogs tail, mutter to themselves and return to the other side of the bar.
Corbyn asks the bar man if that is a country tradition, the bar man says "Nah mate I'll ask them why", he returns a couple of minutes later and says "someone over there said there is a dog at the other side of the bar with two fukin arseholes"
