11-12-14, 05:10 PM
Rolf Harris, Stuart Hall and Jimmy Saville walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "oh no, not Yewtree again!"
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The barman asked me "How come I never see you in here with Pete anymore?"
I said "Would you drink with a guy who's a liar, always late, never pays his debts, squirms out of his round and when your back's turned he tries to give your wife one?"
The barman said "Bloody hell, NO!"
I said "Well neither would Pete"
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A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.
The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal; you've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers".
"Hang on," the man says. "All I need to do is take two aspirins, they stop me winking!".
"Really" says the interviewer? "Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country."
"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?
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Bit cold up here this morning, I had to use my discount card to scrape the car windscreen.
It wasn't very good, I only got 20% off.
:b
The bartender says, "oh no, not Yewtree again!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The barman asked me "How come I never see you in here with Pete anymore?"
I said "Would you drink with a guy who's a liar, always late, never pays his debts, squirms out of his round and when your back's turned he tries to give your wife one?"
The barman said "Bloody hell, NO!"
I said "Well neither would Pete"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.
The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal; you've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers".
"Hang on," the man says. "All I need to do is take two aspirins, they stop me winking!".
"Really" says the interviewer? "Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country."
"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?
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Bit cold up here this morning, I had to use my discount card to scrape the car windscreen.
It wasn't very good, I only got 20% off.
:b
