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+--- Thread: Just a joke (/showthread.php?tid=65119)
Re: Just a joke - stet - 08-02-18
Siamese twins walk into a Baton Rouge bar and sit on a stool. One of them says to the bartender,
"Two beers. Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim."
The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, makes polite conversation while getting the beers out of the cooler.
"Have you guys been on vacation yet?"
"We fly to England next month, driving from Lands' End to John o' Groats in a rental auto- we go every year don't we, Jim?"
Jim agrees.
"Ah, England!" says the barman. "Wonderful country- the history, the architecture, the beer."
"Nah, we don't like England much and we can't stand the beer."
"So why go to England then?" asks the barman.
"It's the only time Jim gets to drive."
Re: Just a joke - stet - 21-02-18
This:
http://www.yamahafz1oa.com/forum/showthread.php?t=145004
Re: Just a joke - stet - 26-02-18
Paddy is suffering from constipation so he sees his doctor.
The doctor gives him a suppository and tells him to put it in his back passage.
A week later Paddy goes back to the doctor who asked him if he has followed his instructions.
Paddy replies,
"I don’t have a back passage in my house so I put it in the hall, but I might as well have stuck it up my arse for all the good it did."
Re: Just a joke - DILLIGAFF - 05-03-18
A weasel walks into a bar and the barman says "Wow we don't see many weasels in here. What would you like?"
"Pop" goes the weasel.
Re: Just a joke - Grahamm - 17-03-18
I was going to donate blood today but they ask too many questions.
Like "Whose is this blood, and where did you get it?"
Anyway, donate one kidney and you're a hero.
Donate five and the Police want to talk to you...
:lol
Re: Just a joke - HarryHornby - 17-03-18
What's red and bad for your teeth.......................
A House brick! :rollin
Re: Just a joke - Grahamm - 17-03-18
As well as expelling Russian Diplomats, the British Government have expelled the bottom man in a Human Pyramid Act.
They don't have Oleg to stand on.
Re: Just a joke - dazza - 17-03-18
I went to see a faith healer last night.
He was rubbish.
Even a bloke in a wheelchair got up and walked out.
Re: Just a joke - Oldgit - 19-03-18
Manchester United turned down a 48 million shirt sponsorship deal from a dog food manufacturer stating that "Winalot" on the new shirt would put them under even more pressure.
Re: Just a joke - tommyardin - 19-03-18
(19-03-18, 12:27 PM)Oldgit link Wrote: Manchester United turned down a 48 million shirt sponsorship deal from a dog food manufacturer stating that "Winalot" on the new shirt would put them under even more pressure.
LOL! I love it.
When I say I love it I don't mean Winalot, I am a Pedigree Chum man everyday
Re: Just a joke - robbo - 19-03-18
Took my wife to the doctors today about her tourettes. Apparently she doesn't have it, I am a cunt and she does want me to fuck off.
Re: Just a joke - tommyardin - 19-03-18
(19-03-18, 08:00 PM)robbo link Wrote: Took my wife to the doctors today about her tourettes. Apparently she doesn't have it, I am a cunt and she does want me to fuck off.
There you are we were right. :eek
Re: Just a joke - tommyardin - 20-03-18
Not a joke but very cleaver and funny
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKeqaDSjy98
Re: Just a joke - robbo - 20-03-18
Police investigating a 50p coin thrown at the directors at a recent West Ham game, have discovered it was in fact a takeover bid.
Re: Just a joke - YamFazFan - 20-03-18
(20-03-18, 06:33 PM)robbo link Wrote: Police investigating a 50p coin thrown at the directors at a recent West Ham game, have discovered it was in fact a takeover bid.
:lol
Re: Just a joke - robbo - 23-03-18
Asked the doctor "Do you think I'l lead a long and healthy life", he replied " I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now", I said " I don't go in for all that astrology nonsense", he replied "Neither do I but my thermometer just broke".
Re: Just a joke - Jamieg285 - 26-03-18
The doctor asked if any of my family suffer from mental health issues.
I said, "No, they all seem to enjoy it".
Re: Just a joke - mtread - 16-07-18
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
Re: Just a joke - DILLIGAFF - 22-07-18
A guy takes his reluctant married friend out for a few beers. The friend says "Listen. Don't get me pissed cos last time I threw up all down my shirt and the wife gave me such a bollocking when I got home"
Inevitably it turns into a session and, also inevitably, the friend barfs up all down his shirt again.
"Now look at the messsh I'm in, hows am I gonna exshplain thish to the wife?"
Easy says his mate. Just put a ten pound note in your shirt pocket and say it was the bloke standing next to you at the bar and he gave you a tenner to have your shirt cleaned.
All goes well till he staggers back home and gives his story to the missus.
She is very sceptical and checks his shirt pocket for the money only to find a £20 note. "So how do you explain this?" she demands.
"Eashy" says the shame faced hubby....................................... "He shit me pants as well"
Re: Just a joke - darrsi - 25-01-19
[color=rgb(51, 51, 51)]A man was driving down the M5 about 3am doing 100mph when he gets pulled over by the police. The officer says in a thick west country accent "do you realise sir how dangerous it is to drive at such a high speeds on this motorway"? The driver protests "it's 3am officer there's nobody else on the road I just want to get home" The copper says "you think its clear and safe but what if you had come round that bend sir and come across Mr fog"? The man smiles and says smugly "I would simply put Mr foot, on Mr brake" The copper growls "I SAID MIST, OR FOG"[/color]