Author Topic: any gardeners out there (Read 4498 times)

paul1606 · « **on:** 19 July 2012, 08:53:58 pm »

I went to my allotment last week and found someone has covered it with 2 inches of soil. I went again yesterday only to find it covered again with another 2 inches of soil.........The plot thickens!

Hodge · « **Reply #1 on:** 19 July 2012, 09:01:10 pm »

That joke has grown on me

Strifae · « **Reply #2 on:** 19 July 2012, 09:22:55 pm »

I hope you get to the root of the problem

CRH · « **Reply #3 on:** 19 July 2012, 09:46:20 pm »

Quote from: paul1606 on 19 July 2012, 08:53:58 pm

I went to my allotment last week and found someone has covered it with 2 inches of soil. I went again yesterday only to find it covered again with another 2 inches of soil.........The plot thickens!

.....quick update!!!.....police are looking for 2 suspects in this case?...one is described has 6ft tall of slim build,..the other 5ft tall and rather plump!!......a spokes person today said ...police are still....looking "high and low" for them?.........

robby boy · « **Reply #4 on:** 19 July 2012, 09:59:05 pm »

I caught my little girl eating a slug the other night, "eugh" "what did that taste like?" I said. "worms!" was her reply ... I'll get my coat.

Pat · « **Reply #5 on:** 19 July 2012, 10:15:21 pm »

Quote from: CRH on 19 July 2012, 09:46:20 pm

Quote from: paul1606 on 19 July 2012, 08:53:58 pm
I went to my allotment last week and found someone has covered it with 2 inches of soil. I went again yesterday only to find it covered again with another 2 inches of soil.........The plot thickens!
.....quick update!!!.....police are looking for 2 suspects in this case?...one is described has 6ft tall of slim build,..the other 5ft tall and rather plump!!......a spokes person today said ...police are still....looking "high and low" for them?.........

Obviously they haven't got mulch to go on.....

richfzs · « **Reply #6 on:** 19 July 2012, 10:35:42 pm »

oh leaf it out, will ?

CRH · « **Reply #7 on:** 19 July 2012, 10:58:22 pm »

earlier tonight it was reported that the police hadnt got ..mulch..to go on in regards to catching the culprits!!...but they have since named a suspect...who they believe ...plotted the crime as....DUG McGRASSUP...police have warned the public not to approach him as he can be a bit of a ...sod!!!!!!!

Looney tune · « **Reply #8 on:** 19 July 2012, 11:00:24 pm »

I've just soiled my pants laughing..........

.........No, honest, I've shit myself

Lawrence · « **Reply #9 on:** 19 July 2012, 11:03:05 pm »

to all the above

DryRob · « **Reply #10 on:** 20 July 2012, 10:22:47 am »

DILLIGAFF · « **Reply #11 on:** 20 July 2012, 10:44:46 am »

At my allotment someone had dug a big hole...................police are looking into it.

DILLIGAFF · « **Reply #12 on:** 20 July 2012, 11:44:31 am »

NEWS FLASH...........................Police have arrested an Irish topsoil thief at a local allotment. They suspect him of trying to bury the evidence.

DryRob · « **Reply #13 on:** 20 July 2012, 01:34:56 pm »

some of these jokes are truly groundbreaking

Skippernick · « **Reply #14 on:** 20 July 2012, 04:14:59 pm »

CRH · « **Reply #15 on:** 20 July 2012, 04:39:27 pm »

NEWS UPDATE!!!.....police today confirmed that suspect...dug mcgrassup..was spotted in a greenhouse disguised as a ...flower pot man"..holding?"what police described as a ...sieve?..in front of his face!!....as police said?...obviously trying to ...riddle his way out of it?!!!!!!!.....

Lazarus · « **Reply #16 on:** 20 July 2012, 04:52:02 pm »

keep them coming guys.......im making Christmas Crackers this year and need the input for the jokes

CRH · « **Reply #17 on:** 20 July 2012, 06:41:21 pm »

NEWS FLASH!!!!!....police cuntstuble victoria dandylion of north..ants police ( VD) to her caulys"...yes i know what you all thinking??...poxed int it?..but couldnt think of owt else!!!!!.......said that McGrassup was tracked down to a laxative factory near to his last address!...but was still on the run tonight!!!!!!!

.....but she did vowel"..that (no stone would be left unturned)...till McGrassup was apprehandled!!.....his former ( best slate) and brother- in-lawn" ...Angus McCoatup (a farmer taylor from diggernam) said?.....that his in-lawn was a privit sort of chap"...who never had a "pot to piss in"until he took up gardening and broke into that greenhouse!!!!!!!!!!!! $:\$ .............

DILLIGAFF · « **Reply #18 on:** 21 July 2012, 10:46:25 am »

Police have found the spade involved in this incident. The spade is claiming racial prejudice.

pilgrim · « **Reply #19 on:** 21 July 2012, 03:34:40 pm »

Police are still trying to weed out the culprits, and soon hope to cultivate a case against them.John Nettles has been enlisted to help out.
A senior officer said ' Thistle soon sort them out. We'll have this case closed in no thyme.'

Hodge · « **Reply #20 on:** 22 July 2012, 10:39:25 pm »

When a local reporter asked the Chief Constable how the investigation was progressing he replied it was a case of trowel and error.

Pat · « **Reply #21 on:** 22 July 2012, 10:58:15 pm »

Police last night discovered a man ripping out plants on an adjacent allotment. He was arrested & charged with disturbing the peas...

skooage · « **Reply #22 on:** 22 July 2012, 11:04:30 pm »

Bravo

Hodge · « **Reply #23 on:** 23 July 2012, 05:21:06 pm »

Quote from: Pat on 22 July 2012, 10:58:15 pm

Police last night discovered a man ripping out plants on an adjacent allotment. He was arrested & charged with disturbing the peas...

The Local Beet Officer's budding career was praised at the end of the daily update just before the investigating officer declared that's shallot for today.

DryRob · « **Reply #24 on:** 23 July 2012, 11:50:48 pm »

when asked how they would transfer the accused to court without their own transport the officer replied, "wheelbarrow a van from G4S"