I though I'd share this to see how others have dealt with this situation. As I'm certain this is common place nowadays before I give any real advice to the mate involved and being New Years Eve things are very quite at work.
This morning a good friend rings me saying he's at his "whit's end" and doesn't know what to do!
Little background first. Mates been in a relationship for about 9 months they now live together and everything is good, it really is I've seen them together they're extremely happy well suited. He now lives in her house, pays half etc etc.
Partner (lets call he mum) son is 20, comes home from Uni for summer and Christmas but acts like he's still there, i.e. Music day and night, not too loud but enough to be heard while watching TV, going to bed. TV in his room to the early hours and/or mates playing Xbox same times or girlfriend (lives at Uni with) who's there every weekend (Fri evening, Mon morning during summer/ Christmas holidays goes back to her job), mates (up
playing poker/Xbox downstairs/bedroom all hours or days when girlfriends not there, one in particular often stays, apparently he's very rude never says a word to him. Son helps himself to whatever's in the house but never replaces anything or offers to get anything unless girlfriend is there. Girlfriend is not the tidiest and showers twice a day each time emptying the hot water tank via the power shower. All the above is done without first asking even though he's been told to, mum is then put on the spot so gives in. Son doesn't work at all, no part time job and failed to get a placement in the summer for year 15/16 so back to Uni. Son lives to the great extent off girlfriend (who does work) and they share a single room both claim they are paying rent so effectively pocket half the rent, online gambling or from possibly his dad. Son plays on line poker most of the time when not with mates or girlfriend possible even when there, mate did say he told him to be careful he'd get addicted, son told him too late I am!
A plus they seem to pretty much cater for themselves, but son is not good with washing up etc pans etc are often just left in the sink/cooker, as is rubbish/recycling which is never taken out.
After the summer mum and mate agree this can't be repeated next summer and changes need to be made at Christmas.
The problem:
Son is picked up just before Christmas within hours all of the above starts, except the mates being there, mum having to tell son to turn down music/talking/TV each and every day as mate tells mum its too load or wrong time going to bed etc, mum isn't seeing the volume as an issue. Son tells mum, girlfriends coming on day A to day B, just before she arrives A/B have turned into X and Y an extension of 3 days. Son going away for dads birthday for 10 days, girlfriend going home 7 days before then back before he goes for 2/3 days. All this is putting a huge strain on their relationship mate can see mum's struggling, getting upset and is now almost piggy in the middle but can't see son's behaviour is wrong.
He's dreading what's coming when son returns after holiday before he goes back to Uni and is now worried that next summer will be same what should he do. He's almost got the a point of walking out and asking me to put him up! Is this all ok behaviour, is the mum wrong for not sorting things, is mate over reacting, what's the way out?
I've got my views but I'd like a few more please.