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General => General => Topic started by: JZS 600 on 30 January 2014, 08:29:22 pm

Title: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: JZS 600 on 30 January 2014, 08:29:22 pm
Anyone else have this problem, and do you have a trusted technique?   :lol
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: Chris on 30 January 2014, 08:38:20 pm
Lean forward a bit  ;)

Chris
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: mr self destruct on 30 January 2014, 08:42:43 pm
Still being fairly new to biking I find it harder to not shit myself.  :eek
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: jason1 on 30 January 2014, 08:44:50 pm
Release butt cheeks a little ,not too much just incase. Measure the pressure build up and then lean forward and up slightly.Push gently untill you know its safe to let go.  :eek
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: JZS 600 on 30 January 2014, 08:57:32 pm
Well, you see, I normally rise off the saddle a bit all weight on the pegs and cautiously let a little trump out, but at 90 in the pissing rain, in traffic, it's a bit traumatic!


The missus was wondering why I normally rush in, drop the leathers and fart like Vesuvius






 
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: ChristoT on 30 January 2014, 09:29:53 pm
Funnily enough, I've never had a problem!!
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: ajmes1 on 30 January 2014, 09:35:49 pm
Ask her how she does it.


It was that cold today it felt like id pissed myself. But for farting just don't squeeze it out or there's a a risk of following through.
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: rayburn600 on 30 January 2014, 09:55:24 pm
Head down Bum up.
Just like sports bike riders.  That's why some go faster.
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: darrsi on 30 January 2014, 10:53:19 pm
Still being fairly new to biking I find it harder to not shit myself.  :eek

Ha ha ha  :lol
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: slimwilly on 30 January 2014, 10:59:42 pm
I do and i am sure i could smell it coming up my neck tube into my helmet  :o
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: Gav on 30 January 2014, 11:04:15 pm
Ewww dirty feeker.  I normally don't need to fart while riding or have the urge to want a sh1t until I've got to my destination and taken off my leathers lol
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: Frosties on 30 January 2014, 11:38:12 pm
I'm sure the old farts on the forum will have a variety of methods developed over the years  :D
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: Chris on 30 January 2014, 11:41:15 pm
You know you've gone too far when you need to shake out your boots afterwards...

Chris
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: bri h on 30 January 2014, 11:55:33 pm
We all know that riding a bike carries cirtain risks. Following through is right up there with a smidsy.
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: midden on 31 January 2014, 12:07:42 am
Funnily enough while riding home the other day I let one go.
It was just like being in the bath, I felt it forcing up between thigh and sack on route to my nose:) 
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: Deefer666 on 31 January 2014, 09:32:43 am
I must be some kind of freak then because I have no problem or special technique for farting whilst riding a bike  :D
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: Drax on 31 January 2014, 10:16:58 am
Dangle the left leg off the peg & away she blows!  :)
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: Bitfik on 31 January 2014, 05:56:19 pm
Take care when you remove your waterproofs later as the odour seems to brew for quite a long time! I had forgotten an on bike, in waterproof chuff one time and on removing said clothing wretched... And wretched... And...
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: simonm on 31 January 2014, 06:32:48 pm
twist of the hip and let it rip  :lol
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: JZS 600 on 31 January 2014, 08:01:49 pm
sometimes when I'm standing on the pegs farting at speed I wonder what would happen if one broke and how I would describe it on the insurance claim...
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: midden on 31 January 2014, 08:20:33 pm
I must be some kind of freak then because I have no problem or special technique for farting whilst riding a bike  :D

Not a freak. You've just obviously grown up
  :rolleyes
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: lew600fazer on 31 January 2014, 11:36:13 pm
Trust me at 65 you do not just let it rip, always has to be a slidder.  :rollin .Real nerve wrecking if you have just had a Vindalu. Thank god for Fabreez when you do get the leathers of after a run.
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: Davebo on 01 February 2014, 12:48:36 am
I think we've found a level here. Very popular thread.  :lol
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: JZS 600 on 01 February 2014, 09:12:50 am
Toilet humour, works every time  :lol
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: lew600fazer on 01 February 2014, 05:08:33 pm
Does anyone have a bladder problem as mentioned being in my 65th year nearly, I am a percy piss quick, especially after a coffee. It is one of the wonderful things about touring in France. When a French man wants a pee, no matter were he is on the road. He will pull over and in full view, out with the tackle and pee away. No shame no embarassment.
I hate it when you are bursting, struggle to get the gloves off , tackle out oh the relief!!!!! then the agony when you qucikly pull the zip because you hear a car or someone coming. Oh those heavy duty zips, you do not know to continue pulling up the zip and risk amputation or say fuck it and unzip again. The looks you get when you are checking your pride and joy to see if there is any damage done.  :'(  :eek 
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: Andy FZS on 01 February 2014, 05:11:44 pm
I nearly pissed myself laughing and I'm not 50 YET
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: mr self destruct on 02 February 2014, 07:48:47 am
Does anyone have a bladder problem as mentioned being in my 65th year nearly, I am a percy piss quick, especially after a coffee. It is one of the wonderful things about touring in France. When a French man wants a pee, no matter were he is on the road. He will pull over and in full view, out with the tackle and pee away. No shame no embarassment.
I hate it when you are bursting, struggle to get the gloves off , tackle out oh the relief!!!!! then the agony when you qucikly pull the zip because you hear a car or someone coming. Oh those heavy duty zips, you do not know to continue pulling up the zip and risk amputation or say fuck it and unzip again. The looks you get when you are checking your pride and joy to see if there is any damage done.  :'( :eek


Leave it safely tucked away and use a Shewee.  ;)
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: lew600fazer on 02 February 2014, 04:50:51 pm
Does anyone have a bladder problem as mentioned being in my 65th year nearly, I am a percy piss quick, especially after a coffee. It is one of the wonderful things about touring in France. When a French man wants a pee, no matter were he is on the road. He will pull over and in full view, out with the tackle and pee away. No shame no embarassment.
I hate it when you are bursting, struggle to get the gloves off , tackle out oh the relief!!!!! then the agony when you qucikly pull the zip because you hear a car or someone coming. Oh those heavy duty zips, you do not know to continue pulling up the zip and risk amputation or say fuck it and unzip again. The looks you get when you are checking your pride and joy to see if there is any damage done.  :'( :eek


Leave it safely tucked away and use a Shewee.  ;)

Ihave to ask what is a shewee
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: ChristoT on 02 February 2014, 05:00:50 pm
Does anyone have a bladder problem as mentioned being in my 65th year nearly, I am a percy piss quick, especially after a coffee. It is one of the wonderful things about touring in France. When a French man wants a pee, no matter were he is on the road. He will pull over and in full view, out with the tackle and pee away. No shame no embarassment.
I hate it when you are bursting, struggle to get the gloves off , tackle out oh the relief!!!!! then the agony when you qucikly pull the zip because you hear a car or someone coming. Oh those heavy duty zips, you do not know to continue pulling up the zip and risk amputation or say fuck it and unzip again. The looks you get when you are checking your pride and joy to see if there is any damage done.  :'( :eek


Cough cough...

([url]http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0219/6740/products/T-FrontsUsingSheweeCloseUp_CMYK.jpg?v=1368778931[/url])

Leave it safely tucked away and use a Shewee.  ;)


Ihave to ask what is a shewee
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: Drax on 02 February 2014, 06:50:07 pm
Does anyone have a bladder problem as mentioned being in my 65th year nearly, I am a percy piss quick, especially after a coffee. It is one of the wonderful things about touring in France. When a French man wants a pee, no matter were he is on the road. He will pull over and in full view, out with the tackle and pee away. No shame no embarassment.
I hate it when you are bursting, struggle to get the gloves off , tackle out oh the relief!!!!! then the agony when you qucikly pull the zip because you hear a car or someone coming. Oh those heavy duty zips, you do not know to continue pulling up the zip and risk amputation or say fuck it and unzip again. The looks you get when you are checking your pride and joy to see if there is any damage done.  :'( :eek

Coffee is a diuretic i.e it a substance that makes you pee more.
 
Nick Sanders (some guy who travels a lot on a bike) recommends (in an article somewhere) that its vital you keep yourself hydrated using water /juice rather than tea/coffee for the above reason.

However..as your over 50 - if you contact Saga then they will send out some panty pad / liners in case you dribble after youv'e shook. I only know this as I've just received some in the post. Gonna kill my wife!! :)
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: fazed on 04 February 2014, 09:10:58 pm
I agree with lew  NEVER TRUST A FART.....ESPECIALLY when you're riding after a curry!
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: JZS 600 on 05 February 2014, 08:42:15 pm
Wait till you absolutely positively definitely completely have to have a shit right this second!
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: dickturpin on 05 February 2014, 09:13:30 pm
Wait till you absolutely positively definitely completely have to have a shit right this second!

Now there's something to look forward to! :eek
Title: Re: I was trying to explain to my missus tonight how hard it is to fart while riding
Post by: JZS 600 on 06 February 2014, 08:35:05 pm
Then, any where will do,,,,,,


(sorry Prague town hall......)