Author Topic: Just a joke (Read 72484 times)

Farjo · « **Reply #50 on:** 29 August 2013, 11:19:58 pm »

A feller took a viagra but it got stuck in his throat. He woke up with a stiff neck.

What does a Chelsea Girl say when she's having an orgasm? "One is arriving! One is arriving!"

lew600fazer · « **Reply #51 on:** 29 August 2013, 11:35:37 pm »

What does an Essex girl have between her ears!!!!!!!!!!!1

Her knees.

I will get my coat, sorry

Farjo · « **Reply #52 on:** 30 August 2013, 12:28:13 am »

My mate phoned me up, he said "I was doing some DIY and I cut my finger off." I said "What, the whole finger?" He said "No the one next to it."

Chris · « **Reply #53 on:** 30 August 2013, 12:29:14 am »

Quote from: Farjo on 30 August 2013, 12:28:13 am

My mate phoned me up, he said "I was doing some DIY and I cut my finger off." I said "What, the whole finger?" He said "No the one next to it."

jackojet · « **Reply #54 on:** 30 August 2013, 05:49:59 am »

Quote from: Farjo on 30 August 2013, 12:28:13 am

My mate phoned me up, he said "I was doing some DIY and I cut my finger off." I said "What, the whole finger?" He said "No the one next to it."

snapper · « **Reply #55 on:** 30 August 2013, 11:08:19 am »

"What does an Essex girl have between her ears!!!!!!!!!!!1

Her knees.

"
? maybe Im blonde but how does that one work ? knees between her ears ?

lew600fazer · « **Reply #56 on:** 30 August 2013, 02:59:47 pm »

Quote from: snapper on 30 August 2013, 11:08:19 am

"What does an Essex girl have between her ears!!!!!!!!!!!1

Her knees. "
? maybe Im blonde but how does that one work ? knees between her ears ?

Okay Snapper see if we can get you on track, What does an Essex girl have between her thighs.

Her licker ???

snapper · « **Reply #57 on:** 30 August 2013, 03:41:37 pm »

whats the difference between katie price and a kitkat

you can only get four fingers in your kitkat

Ebme Geek · « **Reply #58 on:** 30 August 2013, 03:56:25 pm »

Nike has made a shoe for lesbians,
it's called Nikes for Dykes, it's got 50% more tongue and you can get it off with one finger

BBROWN1664 · « **Reply #59 on:** 30 August 2013, 04:28:57 pm »

Not Always Snapper

Details

dazza · « **Reply #60 on:** 30 August 2013, 04:44:39 pm »

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur.......A lickalotopussy

lew600fazer · « **Reply #61 on:** 31 August 2013, 05:09:40 pm »

Quote from: Ebme Geek on 30 August 2013, 03:56:25 pm

Nike has made a shoe for lesbians,
it's called Nikes for Dykes, it's got 50% more tongue and you can get it off with one finger

rustyrider · « **Reply #62 on:** 31 August 2013, 06:38:46 pm »

Ikea have just announced the Lesbian bed. No screwing, it's all tongue and groove......

unfazed · « **Reply #63 on:** 31 August 2013, 07:12:20 pm »

Litle boy arrives late for school,
Teachers asks him why he is late
Little boy says "Our horse fell down a hole and I had to get the gun for my dad to shoot the horse"
Teached ask " Did he shoot him in the hole"
Little boy says "No sir, he shot him in the head"

Hedgetrimmer · « **Reply #64 on:** 31 August 2013, 08:38:20 pm »

So Rolf Harris is a paedophile.
It's a pity we don't have some big island on the other side of the world we can send people like this to, to keep them out of trouble...

The Rocketeer · « **Reply #65 on:** 01 September 2013, 01:25:40 am »

What's the smallest pub in Britain?
The Thalidomide Arms

What's black & crispy and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking after a house fire

Ebme Geek · « **Reply #66 on:** 02 September 2013, 03:33:40 pm »

The Royal Mail have released a new stamp with a picture of a womans clitoris on it.
However, it has been withdrawn,
as only 5% of men knew where to lick it !

lew600fazer · « **Reply #67 on:** 02 September 2013, 03:48:19 pm »

Blonde jokes, I have robbed from elsewhere, at least I'm being honest.
Q: Why did the blonde get blown up into pieces
A: Because she bought a Palestinian Blow Up Doll from the Sex Shop.
Where is the door I'll return for the coat later.
Lew . $:\$

ChristoT · « **Reply #68 on:** 02 September 2013, 03:54:59 pm »

Quote from: lew600fazer on 02 September 2013, 03:48:19 pm

Blonde jokes, I have robbed from elsewhere, at least I'm being honest.
Q: Why did the blonde get blown up into pieces
A: Because she bought a Palestinian Blow Up Doll from the Sex Shop.
Where is the door I'll return for the coat later.
Lew . $:\$

Lazarus · « **Reply #69 on:** 02 September 2013, 08:29:35 pm »

My wife said that going back to work would be the hardest thing to do, having to juggle between looking after a family and holding down a full time job.
She obviously has never tried to have a wank with a laptop on her knees.

Andrex brought out a new range of toilet paper. It has the outline of "middle eastern ethnic minority groups"
You need to try and colour in as you wipe - extra points for keeping within the lines.

any coats left?

lew600fazer · « **Reply #70 on:** 02 September 2013, 10:23:23 pm »

My mate mentioned this to me , not a joke but he heard a guy calling this out in Belfast.
This way for Belfast Tours.
Just say it to yourself a few times , made me chuckle,

Lew

Dead Eye · « **Reply #71 on:** 02 September 2013, 10:40:10 pm »

I don't get it :|

lew600fazer · « **Reply #72 on:** 02 September 2013, 11:45:08 pm »

Quote from: Dead Eye on 02 September 2013, 10:40:10 pm

I don't get it :|

Belfast Tours Whores get it now?? maybe you need a Belfast accent like I have?

lew600fazer · « **Reply #73 on:** 02 September 2013, 11:50:27 pm »

Quote from: bigbluebear on 28 August 2013, 05:10:36 pm

My ex wife could manipulate her muscles in her fanny so it felt like getting a blow job..........which is why I divorced her when she manipulated her muscles in her mouth she sounded like a cunt

lew600fazer · « **Reply #74 on:** 02 September 2013, 11:51:50 pm »

The British Stiff Upper Lip lives on.

On a train from London to Manchester a drunk Australian was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.

"You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me... I'm ME! I have Italian blood, Greek blood, a little Irish blood, and some Aborigine blood. What do you say to that ?"

The Englishman replied, "Awfully sporting of your mother, old chap!!!"