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General => General => Topic started by: crickleymal on 16 December 2016, 12:35:59 pm

Title: Jail
Post by: crickleymal on 16 December 2016, 12:35:59 pm
 I've only been in jail for 5 minutes and I've already been raped twice.

My uncle doesn't f*ck around when playing Monopoly.
   
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: slappy on 16 December 2016, 12:48:44 pm
 :rollin :rollin :rollin
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: lew600fazer on 17 December 2016, 01:16:20 am

So no get out of jail free card then,

Title: Re: Jail
Post by: mtread on 17 December 2016, 03:49:30 pm
You wait 'till he starts with the Waterworks !
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: kitcrazy on 22 January 2017, 09:22:53 am
lol that's just wrong :rollin :rollin
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: celticdog on 22 January 2017, 09:49:07 pm
 :lol  Nice one  :rollin :rollin :rollin
Ever since the missus picked the iron in monopoly I knew she was a keeper.
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: maddog04 on 23 January 2017, 10:34:57 pm
monopoly..............closest I've ever come to having a fast car :rolleyes
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: Frosties on 23 January 2017, 10:51:23 pm
:lol  Nice one  :rollin :rollin :rollin
Ever since the missus picked the iron in monopoly I knew she was a keeper.


I'd never pick the iron - would give the game away  :look
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: DILLIGAFF on 24 January 2017, 11:52:57 am
Little Johnny was late for school and told his teacher "Sorry miss but Granny got burnt"

Oh, nothing too serious I hope?

Well miss, they don't fuck about at the crematorium.
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: slappy on 24 January 2017, 01:06:57 pm
Little Johnny was late for school and told his teacher "Sorry miss but Granny got burnt"

Oh, nothing too serious I hope?

Well miss, they don't fuck about at the crematorium.


Have a heart guys, I only just buried my Granny yesterday :'(
















Mind you took some doing, ended up having to smack her over the head with the spade as she kept trying to climb back out of the hole.
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: joebloggs on 25 January 2017, 08:35:53 pm
I'm in the dog house again
My Mrs told me to turn off the light and stick it in her ass

With hindsight I guess I should have let it cool down
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: unfazed on 31 January 2017, 11:20:14 pm
My wife said tie me to the bed and do what ever you like,
So I tied her up, then took the Fazer out and went for the best spin ever :lol
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: Graham53 on 31 January 2017, 11:56:57 pm
Old but .....
The mrs said to me .. give me 12inches and make me bleed , so I fucked her 3 times and punched her on the nose.
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: Dudeofrude on 01 February 2017, 07:26:49 am
Gutted to find out the wife's been cheating on me after 10 years of marriage 😣
Logged onto the computer last night and she'd forgot to close the Web page down. She was googling 'how to enjoy sex with a fat man with a little cock'
Just wait till I find out who he his 😠😠
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: slappy on 01 February 2017, 08:58:38 am
Gutted to find out the wife's been cheating on me after 10 years of marriage 😣
Logged onto the computer last night and she'd forgot to close the Web page down. She was googling 'how to enjoy sex with a fat man with a little cock'
Just wait till I find out who he his 😠😠




Its me!
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: Dudeofrude on 01 February 2017, 09:23:35 am
Gutted to find out the wife's been cheating on me after 10 years of marriage 😣
Logged onto the computer last night and she'd forgot to close the Web page down. She was googling 'how to enjoy sex with a fat man with a little cock'
Just wait till I find out who he his 😠😠




Its me!

Bastard!! 😂😂😂
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: lew600fazer on 01 February 2017, 12:25:36 pm
I have high blood pressure problems, my wife wants to know if she can help in anyway . I did suggest she could fuck off . Looks as if I will have to continue with the medication.
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: Dudeofrude on 01 February 2017, 06:16:54 pm
The Missus gave me an early valentines present today, it was a fancy dress costume shaped as a giant pair of knickers?
I enquired as to why she'd bought me such an odd present
Her response was "well you act like a cunt, so you may aswell dress like one!!"
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: celticdog on 01 February 2017, 10:49:01 pm
Wow! Just reading some of these, I really have lived a sheltered life. I was 23 years old before I found out an Itchyfanny wasn't a Japanese motorcycle.
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: joebloggs on 02 February 2017, 09:56:26 am
I was gutted to find out my wife had been cheating on me but came to terms with it by turning to religion.

I've converted to Islam and we're stoning her in the morning........
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: celticdog on 02 February 2017, 06:41:19 pm
My new party trick- I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together
I SHIT YOU KNOT!
Title: Re: Jail
Post by: lew600fazer on 02 February 2017, 11:56:27 pm

Stayed in a friends house the other night, my mates wife says , I have put you in Daniels room, sorry I did not have time to change the sheets. She then says Daniel says not to worry , no tommy tanks? wtf does that mean