Author Topic: Jail (Read 3224 times)

crickleymal · « **on:** 16 December 2016, 12:35:59 pm »

I've only been in jail for 5 minutes and I've already been raped twice.

My uncle doesn't f*ck around when playing Monopoly.

slappy · « **Reply #1 on:** 16 December 2016, 12:48:44 pm »

lew600fazer · « **Reply #2 on:** 17 December 2016, 01:16:20 am »

So no get out of jail free card then,

mtread · « **Reply #3 on:** 17 December 2016, 03:49:30 pm »

You wait 'till he starts with the Waterworks !

kitcrazy · « **Reply #4 on:** 22 January 2017, 09:22:53 am »

lol that's just wrong

celticdog · « **Reply #5 on:** 22 January 2017, 09:49:07 pm »

Nice one

Ever since the missus picked the iron in monopoly I knew she was a keeper.

maddog04 · « **Reply #6 on:** 23 January 2017, 10:34:57 pm »

monopoly..............closest I've ever come to having a fast car

Frosties · « **Reply #7 on:** 23 January 2017, 10:51:23 pm »

Quote from: celticdog on 22 January 2017, 09:49:07 pm

Nice one
Ever since the missus picked the iron in monopoly I knew she was a keeper.

I'd never pick the iron - would give the game away

DILLIGAFF · « **Reply #8 on:** 24 January 2017, 11:52:57 am »

Little Johnny was late for school and told his teacher "Sorry miss but Granny got burnt"

Oh, nothing too serious I hope?

Well miss, they don't fuck about at the crematorium.

slappy · « **Reply #9 on:** 24 January 2017, 01:06:57 pm »

Quote from: DILLIGAFF on 24 January 2017, 11:52:57 am

Little Johnny was late for school and told his teacher "Sorry miss but Granny got burnt"

Oh, nothing too serious I hope?

Well miss, they don't fuck about at the crematorium.

Have a heart guys, I only just buried my Granny yesterday

Mind you took some doing, ended up having to smack her over the head with the spade as she kept trying to climb back out of the hole.

joebloggs · « **Reply #10 on:** 25 January 2017, 08:35:53 pm »

I'm in the dog house again
My Mrs told me to turn off the light and stick it in her ass

With hindsight I guess I should have let it cool down

unfazed · « **Reply #11 on:** 31 January 2017, 11:20:14 pm »

My wife said tie me to the bed and do what ever you like,
So I tied her up, then took the Fazer out and went for the best spin ever

Graham53 · « **Reply #12 on:** 31 January 2017, 11:56:57 pm »

Old but .....
The mrs said to me .. give me 12inches and make me bleed , so I fucked her 3 times and punched her on the nose.

Dudeofrude · « **Reply #13 on:** 01 February 2017, 07:26:49 am »

Gutted to find out the wife's been cheating on me after 10 years of marriage 😣
Logged onto the computer last night and she'd forgot to close the Web page down. She was googling 'how to enjoy sex with a fat man with a little cock'
Just wait till I find out who he his 😠😠

slappy · « **Reply #14 on:** 01 February 2017, 08:58:38 am »

Quote from: Dudeofrude on 01 February 2017, 07:26:49 am

Gutted to find out the wife's been cheating on me after 10 years of marriage 😣
Logged onto the computer last night and she'd forgot to close the Web page down. She was googling 'how to enjoy sex with a fat man with a little cock'
Just wait till I find out who he his 😠😠

Its me!

Dudeofrude · « **Reply #15 on:** 01 February 2017, 09:23:35 am »

Quote from: slappy on 01 February 2017, 08:58:38 am

Quote from: Dudeofrude on 01 February 2017, 07:26:49 am
Gutted to find out the wife's been cheating on me after 10 years of marriage 😣
Logged onto the computer last night and she'd forgot to close the Web page down. She was googling 'how to enjoy sex with a fat man with a little cock'
Just wait till I find out who he his 😠😠

Its me!

Bastard!! 😂😂😂

lew600fazer · « **Reply #16 on:** 01 February 2017, 12:25:36 pm »

I have high blood pressure problems, my wife wants to know if she can help in anyway . I did suggest she could fuck off . Looks as if I will have to continue with the medication.

Dudeofrude · « **Reply #17 on:** 01 February 2017, 06:16:54 pm »

The Missus gave me an early valentines present today, it was a fancy dress costume shaped as a giant pair of knickers?
I enquired as to why she'd bought me such an odd present
Her response was "well you act like a cunt, so you may aswell dress like one!!"

celticdog · « **Reply #18 on:** 01 February 2017, 10:49:01 pm »

Wow! Just reading some of these, I really have lived a sheltered life. I was 23 years old before I found out an Itchyfanny wasn't a Japanese motorcycle.

joebloggs · « **Reply #19 on:** 02 February 2017, 09:56:26 am »

I was gutted to find out my wife had been cheating on me but came to terms with it by turning to religion.

I've converted to Islam and we're stoning her in the morning........

celticdog · « **Reply #20 on:** 02 February 2017, 06:41:19 pm »

My new party trick- I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together

I SHIT YOU KNOT!

lew600fazer · « **Reply #21 on:** 02 February 2017, 11:56:27 pm »

Stayed in a friends house the other night, my mates wife says , I have put you in Daniels room, sorry I did not have time to change the sheets. She then says Daniel says not to worry , no tommy tanks? wtf does that mean