... I'm sorry to have to break the news, but the relative awesomeness of your motor car does not have any bearing whatsoever on the rules of the road.
The (cage-bound) journey home from visiting my mum this afternoon was uneventful until I reached little village of Seale, and two freshly collided cars. Considering the abysmal road surface, lack of width, tightness of the bends and awkwardness of the junctions, 25 mph through there can be regarded as suicidally fast. From the state of the vehicles, shocked bystanders, ambulance and fire engine, it appears excess speed may have been a factor. Since it looked as though the junction was going to remain blocked for a considerable time while they cut whatever remained of the occupants out, I took a 5 mile detour.
Next up it was nearly my turn. Spotting a gap in the overtaking lane on the A331, I pulled out to pass some slow traffic... as I drew level with the car at the back of the slower queue he started indicating. "Surely he's not thinking there's room?" I thought.
Well, apparently he did.
What's more, he was most displeased to find me inadvertently tailgating him and conveyed his irritation by stamping on the brakes.
Dear Dickhead 2,
I know it's tiresome getting caught in slow traffic and people behind you having first dibs on the gaps in the overtaking lane, but the simple fact is that gaps are available to them first. According to the highway code, that you've been held up longer or have a car with more street cred than the one that's passing you, does not give you priority.
You should also note that your car is only faster if you use the pedal on the right.
Anyway, he turned off towards Farnborough without any more attempts to cause an accident.
Taking the later Hawley exit I manoeuvred over to the right hand lane to cross the busy roundabout on the A325. When the opportunity arose I accelerated away, only to discover a lad in what he doubtless refers to as his "bling motor" emergency braking to my left.
Dear Dickhead 3,
The left lane there is clearly marked as left-only. The white hatched area you were on is not a lane. Vehicles on UK roundabouts give way to the right, they do not expect to give way to traffic on the left and as a result, no matter if your car is of greater status, drivers cannot be expected to be looking for vehicles approaching from that direction.
He was at least kind enough to offer an explanation for his poor driving before turning off into the housing estate. Apparently he was masturbating.
At least, I assume that was what he meant.