Full Time Carer

[Hedgetrimmer]

I had a discussion with my Dad at the hospital tonight. He mentioned maybe having to sell the house to pay for a care home, but he doesn't want to go into one. Nor do I think it's necessary. I've offered to quit my job to stay at home for him, and he suggested that I could claim carers allowance, but I don't think I'd be eligible. Anyone know about this? I've been told that the allowance is means tested on the basis of the HOUSEHOLD income and not the carer's income. Is that right? TBH, we could manage quite well without it, assuming my Dad can stop being so tight fisted    He has agreed that he would pay off the outstanding sum on the loan I took out for the bike, and with my brother around, hopefully it would mean I can still get out on it sometimes, as I also have my Armed Services pension - not a huge amount but perhaps enough.

I think I'm being a little bit selfish too, as the house and some savings he has stand to be mine and my brother's inheritance (which is what my Dad wants too), but I do think it works out well for everyone this way. My Dad gets what he wants - to finish his time at home, rather than in one of those impersonal (and potentially miserable) homes, and my brother wouldn't have to worry so much how my Dad is while he's at work.

Thoughts? Is this the right way to go about things? Mixed feelings barely begins to describe how I feel right now 

[noggythenog]

Hey Nick


All i can say is get what you can because your family earned it......so that you could have it.




I seen something on daily mail website either today or yesterday that i couldn't really bare to look at because my grandparents didn't make provisions for this type of thing happening.......believe me you will feel far worse from not getting whatever you can & i mean that in the nicest possible way......this world isn't made for honest folk& the dishonest will soon take from you what they wish unless you do something.




Anyways....i had a quick google & maybe something in this article will help....i cant even guarantee that it was the most recent one i glanced at but if it isn't then the link will be at the bottom of the page in the also interested in section perhaps.




http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2657540/Revealed-How-10-000-families-paying-massive-care-home-bills-dont-need-make-sure-doesnt-happen-you.html

[slimwilly]

My mate has just had his mother inlw go through the same thing,,


she became bed ridden,,so the health visitors made her go into care,,no other way,,they dictated it,,anyway in a few months the bill was already £150,000,,she lasted a few more months, so i dont know the final cost,,,


But i am led to believe that if YOU or any other family member lives in the house,his house then they cannot take it or any part of it to pay for home care fees,,

[Exupnut]

Gotta agree with noggy and slim... STAY @ home....its gonna be harder for u emotionally   but for ur fathers sake and both of u financially it will be sooo much better to be where u are most comfortable. Take care Nick. I'll give u a bell in the week mate.

[Hedgetrimmer]

Thanks for the replies guys, appreciated.

Well, I won't be missing much at work - getting pretty fed up with that job anyway. Plus, I don't think I'll be caring for very long TBH. Each time he comes out of hospital, he seems to last less time before he has to be carted off back there again.

He said he's going to be talking to the doctors a bit more in depth about what his prospects are on Monday, but he has already been told he likely only has months left.

[Exupnut]

All the more reason to stay at home nick i would have thought. After ur pa speaks to the quacks on monday ask him what he wants because ultimately that's what u want to be doing aswell.  Foc what ur situation is cos that can be resolved afterwards. Nows the time to really be a son. Its gonna be hard on u but it's what we do.

[mickvp]

Nick.


My father was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2008, and I made the decision to leave my work to care for him full time. He was initially given 12 months, although he never passed until mid 2010. When I applied for careers allowance they did not ask about household income (this may have changed?). I was eventually granted it even though my mum was still working full time in the same house.

I ended up with a big bit of debt as I had car finance etc at the time (all paid now though), but I wouldn't hesitate to do it again. I got to spend some quality time with him in his last year and it's worth more than anything... Even got some good days to car and bike shows etc when he was up to it.

Have a look into the current carers allowance setup. We had to lay it on thick (and having a car meant I could further justify the allowance as I could ferry him to his chemo and hospital appointments). I hope you get it mate

[Hedgetrimmer]

Thanks Mick. I'm not really sure I should apply for it though, as I'm not one to scrounge off the state, and also I resent having to jump through their never-ending hoops to get anything. My Dad gets more in pensions than I've ever earned in my life, plus my brother helps out too.

Just a couple of months ago, I thought he was going to last a fair while yet, but last time he came back from hospital he lasted 8 days before he had problems and had to go back in. And he was having real trouble coping at home alone this time. I really don't think there's much choice, and at least together we're better off than many. And yes, you're right, having those last months together will mean a lot to both of us, I'm sure.

When my Mum died in hospital, I was left with a deep feeling of guilt, cos in her last month I had this stinking viral infection and couldn't visit her because I might've passed it on and shortened her time even more - little did we know how short her time was then, so I didn't get to say goodbye and tell her one last time I loved her.

[mickvp]

Don't think of it as scrounging mate, if your anything like me you will have
Paid more in than you will be taking out. Plus, carers allowance is a government wage which is payable to anyone who cares for someone full time....it's basically like the worst paying job ever, and when you have bills, it's still helps offset them that wee bit compared to not getting it.

It is a lot of hoops to jump through though, just like any other time you try to get money off the government.

[lew600fazer]

Nick , Carers allowance is paid simply because you are relieving the authorities of a responsiblity of caring for an elderley person. If you take on the roll you will not only be giving you Dad a better quality of life than he would have in some so called nuring home. You only have to look at some of the cases going through the courts where the elderly are abused and mistreated , I am not saying the whole industry is like that but? Also take into account you will be keeping your own national insurance up to date.

[unfazed]

Nick
Sorry to hear of your dads ill health, my wife went through a similar situation with her mother a few years ago where we cared for her for 9 months in her own home before she died. Thankfully our job was made easier as we had 5 in the family to help in a type of rotation basis.

The carer allowance is not scrounging, it is supplied to assist persons who often stay at home to look after a family member. Have no doubt the allowance is abused by some. If your dad is happier at home (as most parents are) and you are capable of looking after him, then apply for the allowance, particularly if you are giving up your job to do it.

Check this site for all the info you require. they are extremely helpful from what I hear from my wifes sisters who live near Blackpool

http://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/financial-support/help-with-benefits/carers-allowance

They have contact numbers which you can ring for help and give any advice you need.

[richfzs]

Another vote for it not being scrounging. If it helps, look at this way...

You're getting paid, by the government, using money we all contribute to through our taxes/ni, to look after your dad, instead of some faceless company getting paid to do it. No matter how good the individual staff in the care home you might choose are, at the end of the day, that place exists to make a profit, and you'll do a better job than they will - because your dad means more to you.

My dad spent a year on his bed at home before he passed, being looked after by my mum and brother (who was still living there anyway). It ain't easy, but my dad sure had a better time of it that way - and isn't that the important bit?

I can't tell you whether to quit your job to do this or not - but if you do, make sure you make the claim pal, it's why we pay into the state.

Good luck...

[rustyrider]

Yet another to say claim it.  You've worked all your life, you've served your country and you've paid far more into the system in NI contributions than you are ever likely to get back out of it.  It is by no means scrounging.  National Insurance is exactly what the name suggests, insurance.  You've paid the premiums now claim the benefit.  You've paid the insurance premiums on your bike, if it was stolen you wouldn't just say you can't be bothered with all the paperwork and not claim would you?

[darrsi]

You're not "scrounging" mate, you should think of it more as a deserving case, which all workers pay into a pot and get a bit back for unfortunate events like this, and rightly so. 

[Lampwick]

Hi, I havn't read all the posts above so appologies if ths as been mentioned before,
going through somthing similar my self, well caring and trying to do whats best for parents.
Age concern are a great source for help and info, also would highly recomend a social worker, Iknow they can somtime seem like a pain in the ass, but they can also be a huge help.
There's also attendance allowance, and a lot more help you can get, just need to know were to look.
Age Concern will be able to point you in the right direction.
And no its not scrounging, 1 you pay in to the system for theese times when you need a helping hand
2 you'll be helping the local council out, as a nursing home would be charging about £900 a WEEK.

[fazersharp]

I think I'm being a little bit selfish too,

WRONG, what you intend to do is the most unselfish act a person can do and both an honour and privilege to be in a position to do so, its got nothing to do with inheriting the house you are making a personal sacrifice to care for your Dad, and I have to say its heart-warming on this Fathers day. It will be hard but if you dont do it I fear that you will regret it, you are already carrying the heatace of your Mum - do not add this to it.
You will not be on your own as the government want more care in the community and there are agency's there to help you.

[VNA - BMW Wank]

Sorry to hear about your Dad's health Nick.

I'm not really sure I should apply for it though, as I'm not one to scrounge off the state, and also I resent having to jump through their never-ending hoops to get anything.

It's not scrounging Nick, it's getting the help that you and your Dad are entitled to.  Also keeping your Dad as healthy and happy as possible is cheaper for the state and better for your Dad than him being in hospital all the time.

I'm in Scotland as you know, so everything is different care wise from England.  My problem is my parents won't take any help at all.  But I suggest you talk to your doctor and social services and find out what help is available, and take every help you can get.  And don't jump into giving up your job until you've comprehensively checked everything out.

In Scotland it's possible for parents to sign the deeds of their house over to their children, but without the children having any right to sell until the parents are deceased, the parents having full occupancy rights.  So that means the home cannot be sold to pay for care.   It's a common arrangement, though sadly as I know myself, and as I've seen with many others not half common enougth. 

[esetest]

Sorry to hear about your Dads health Nick . Get all the help you can , you've paid in ,  your Dads paid in and you will be saving the government money by caring for your Dad , more importantly you will get to spend  time with your Dad  .

[kawasutra]

Another point to consider is that when the care work finishes and you're looking for another job, if you've been claiming carer's allowance, you have official proof to show any employer who may ask why you have a break in your career.


I'm just coming up out of having cared for my dad since Jan 2013, and I wish I had bothered to go through the paperwork and red tape to claim carer's allowance!


Good on you for choosing to care for your dad at home. Service to an elderly person can be incredibly rewarding, but please please make sure you look after yourself. Mcmillan cancer care lot do a pretty decent booklet about being a carer, titled "Hello, and how are you?" A Guide for carers, by carers.

[david095]

Nick, you also need to look at getting Lasting Powers of Attorney incase your dad isn't able to make decisions leter on. Being next of kin doesn't give you automatic rights towards deciding what happens with future treatment or handling his accounts,

It's covered under the mental capacity act (which covers things like dementia) bit of a harsh subject but can make all the difference

www.justice.gov.uk/about/opg

all the best buddy

[ogri48]

It's the right choice buddy, without a doubt. Lost my dad about fifteen years ago, I'd give everything I have just to be able to talk to him again for ten minutes. Once they have gone, it's just so final.
Some tough days ahead bud, but your a good guy, I've no doubt you got some good mates to lean on, including some here who have never met you

[Hedgetrimmer]

So, it now seems I'm not going to have to do this. I visited my Dad in hospital this morning, and managed to catch one of the home care team, and we sat down for a good chat. It seems they can provide up to 4 home visits a day to look after whatever needs he has. They take into account that he will have good days, when he'll be a bit more active, and bad days, when he can do almost nothing for himself. As usual, he was very resistant towards it at first, until they managed to get through to him that he can use them as much or as little as he needs - even now in his current state, he wants to be as independent as possible, which I fully understand as it's a trait I seem to have inherited. He will get this care from the moment he comes home from hospital.

A colleague at work had suggested to me that we might get this. Apparently, the level of care available is very much dependent on the particular health authority you come under - it seems we are covered by one of the best in West Oxfordshire 

So, I will be staying in my job (once again, very mixed feelings  ) and can relax a bit about him when I'm at work. I am VERY much relieved! Caring for an elderly parent was a prospect, I have to admit, I found very daunting as it began to dawn on me just what exactly it would involve. Don't get me wrong, if that'd been our only option, then I would do it without any hesitation, but it really is a relief when you know you will have qualified people helping you out. It took some persuasion to convince my Dad that it wasn't scrounging, but was what he is entitled to, and is the reason the service exists.

To david095 - yes, my brother and I arranged for joint Lasting Power of Attorney over his affairs a few months ago.

So, I'd like to thank everybody on here who gave advice or just kind words - it has meant a lot to me in a very difficult time, when I've not really had anyone else to turn to.

THANK YOU!

[unfazed]

Glad to see you have found a solution to what was a very difficult issue, it must have been a huge weight off your shoulders. The type of worry you had for the past few weeks really wears you down as it is always in you head and is much tougher to deal with than hard physical work.

I noticed that your unfortunate down side to the solution is having to remain at work

The transition period for you Dad will not be easy if he very independent, but the care workers I have experience of are great and after a while he will look probably forward to them coming for the "chat and news" and will probably have stories for you when you come home.

Losing your independence is probably one of the most difficult things we will have face as we grow old.

Best of luck in the future and we may meet for a spin next time I am in South East Wales