Always resorted to using an oil filter chain wrench. They're only a few quid but an invaluable bit of kit.
When you eventually get the filter off, you need to smear the rubber seal with oil on the new one then just do it up by hand as much as you can, they really don't need to be wrenched on tightly.
And yeah, they do an important job so they do need changing, especially if you don't know when it was last done.
You can get away with replacing it every 2 oil changes but to be honest because they're so cheap you may as well do it each time.