What would you do

[lew600fazer]

Okay this is serious stuff. My Mrs and me have been wed 34 years now, well really 17 years as I spent my working life at sea. I mentioned the fact that mid September I am going on a long weekend from SW France to N Wales to meet up with some mates from the SX forum. She goes ballistic and forbids me to go!!!!!!!
My response is fuck it I am going. Truth be told I want out anyway. For the last 3 years since I retired from the sea all we have done is fucking bitch at each other. Anyone recommend a good divorce lawyer. I am serious I just do not give a fuck anymore.

[Frosties]

In the same boat but with a 9 and 11yr old at stake (making me stay) so can only empathise  I'm afraid Lew. Keep telling myself "one life"...........

[lew600fazer]

In the same boat but with a 9 and 11yr old at stake (making me stay) so can only empathise  I'm afraid Lew. Keep telling myself "one life"...........

Cheers mate, my lad is 30 so he is unhappy but will handle it. My heart ache is my wee grand daughter . I live in France but will be heading back to the UK. I feel like a fecking Alien here.

[slappy]

That's the trouble later on in marriage, you retire and find you are spending more time together than before. You still need your "me" time.

[mr self destruct]

You could put it to her that you both need your alone time, she might feel better about it that way.
Do you know why she's forbidding you to go? It could be she has concerns about you i.e. safety/health etc.
Ok, that could be bollocks and since you've been together 34 years you'd think she'd be used to your biking, but it's possible she never got over worrying about it.
I'm obviously only guessing but that's exactly what's happening with me and my wife right now. She flatly refused me doing my DA, then relented. And now recently she broke down and said every time I leave on my bike she doesn't know if she'll see me alive again. But before she admitted that, it was just barney after barney for months. All this is made worse by having a 1 year old daughter on the scene too, so I have a "responsibility to stay safe" etc etc.
Thing is, women have a tendency to bottle these things up and it could be making everything else between you worse.

[lew600fazer]

No she is not worrying about me on the bike, I think she is hoping I break me fecking neck. lol. We were down in Spain for a few years and have recently moved back to France. The house we have bought is another money pit. I quietly went along with buying the place , anything for a quiet life. My fault should have had the balls to say no. Anyway every day it is DIY and I am sick of it. This is what really kicked us off this time. I mentioned about the bike meet and she says, and what about the decorating and all the jobs that need doing. That is when we both had the rant, so my parting shot was this is your fecking dream not mine. This is the 3rd foreign house we have owned and it has always been DIY and spending a fecking fortune. The first house was a 7 year project no sooner had I finished that one when she says I think I want to move. My son got married and when asked about grand children they both said no kids. So that is it away to sunny Spain which I love. The Villa we bought was not a complete reno project but enough to keep us busy. Son has a daughter who is nearly 3 now. Driving back and forth to Bordeaux every 6 weeks was no real ball ache. So last year she starts again I want to move back to France. Shall we say I am down nearly £50,000 and that is just buying and selling costs, never mind the £25,000 it cost to put a pool in in Spain. No enough is enough and if I want to have a pot left to piss in I gotta get out of this relationship. I think the law basically says if no dependant children everything goes 50/50. Mr self destruct I think your Mrs make be suffering a wee bit of post natal depression mate , keep a good eye on her.

[Bretty]

Crikey! Your missus is like a slightly more extreme version of mine 

Although with all due respect, it sounds like your missus has been getting away with it a lot longer than mine (we're long term although not married and no kids).
My missus has had a few of these crazy ideas that have cost me about £10-15k a time. Things like moving to the UK from Berlin, more recently moving to London and now she is on about expensive holidays that involve me maybe having to sell my motorbike to fund it.

Anyway, sometimes you have to be the a*hole, lay down the law, push back, tell her how mental she is, point out the reality, tell her things from your point of view and say if you don't like it, I love you, but that is the way it is, I'm not an endless pot of money, I can't give you everything you want and if I'm still not good enough, and you can't see how much I have done already, maybe it is time for you to move on.

I think I've done this 3times now, it scares the s* out of me everytime... but it always seems to scare her more and everytime she has rolled over. It feels super sh*t to say that and I hate that I have to be like it, but it works for me.

I must say women are the most counter intuitive things I have ever had to deal with. A necessary evil that can be unnecessarily evil!

Good luck with it mate!

*disclaimer - I know considerably more about motorbikes than I do about women.

[mr self destruct]

No she is not worrying about me on the bike, I think she is hoping I break me fecking neck. lol. We were down in Spain for a few years and have recently moved back to France. The house we have bought is another money pit. I quietly went along with buying the place , anything for a quiet life. My fault should have had the balls to say no. Anyway every day it is DIY and I am sick of it. This is what really kicked us off this time. I mentioned about the bike meet and she says, and what about the decorating and all the jobs that need doing. That is when we both had the rant, so my parting shot was this is your fecking dream not mine. This is the 3rd foreign house we have owned and it has always been DIY and spending a fecking fortune. The first house was a 7 year project no sooner had I finished that one when she says I think I want to move. My son got married and when asked about grand children they both said no kids. So that is it away to sunny Spain which I love. The Villa we bought was not a complete reno project but enough to keep us busy. Son has a daughter who is nearly 3 now. Driving back and forth to Bordeaux every 6 weeks was no real ball ache. So last year she starts again I want to move back to France. Shall we say I am down nearly £50,000 and that is just buying and selling costs, never mind the £25,000 it cost to put a pool in in Spain. No enough is enough and if I want to have a pot left to piss in I gotta get out of this relationship. I think the law basically says if no dependant children everything goes 50/50. Mr self destruct I think your Mrs make be suffering a wee bit of post natal depression mate , keep a good eye on her.

Fucking hell mate I feel for you!
Only you can decide what to do but the question is, is it the person that's causing you the stress, or the situation?
In my experience, situations always change, but people never do.
Sounds from what you've written like she's never satisfied with what she's got, but is that right? The situation has changed with your granddaughter now, so I can understand your mrs wanting to be closer to her.
If you agreed to move but put your foot down and said 'This is the last move, and no more projects!', would that be ok for you both?


And by the way, saying my Mrs has got a wee bit of PND is the understatement of the year, bloody parenthood's put us both on the happy pills! 

[Skippernick]

No she is not worrying about me on the bike, I think she is hoping I break me fecking neck. lol. We were down in Spain for a few years and have recently moved back to France. The house we have bought is another money pit. I quietly went along with buying the place , anything for a quiet life. My fault should have had the balls to say no. Anyway every day it is DIY and I am sick of it. This is what really kicked us off this time. I mentioned about the bike meet and she says, and what about the decorating and all the jobs that need doing. That is when we both had the rant, so my parting shot was this is your fecking dream not mine. This is the 3rd foreign house we have owned and it has always been DIY and spending a fecking fortune. The first house was a 7 year project no sooner had I finished that one when she says I think I want to move. My son got married and when asked about grand children they both said no kids. So that is it away to sunny Spain which I love. The Villa we bought was not a complete reno project but enough to keep us busy. Son has a daughter who is nearly 3 now. Driving back and forth to Bordeaux every 6 weeks was no real ball ache. So last year she starts again I want to move back to France. Shall we say I am down nearly £50,000 and that is just buying and selling costs, never mind the £25,000 it cost to put a pool in in Spain. No enough is enough and if I want to have a pot left to piss in I gotta get out of this relationship. I think the law basically says if no dependant children everything goes 50/50. Mr self destruct I think your Mrs make be suffering a wee bit of post natal depression mate , keep a good eye on her.

Fucking hell mate I feel for you!
Only you can decide what to do but the question is, is it the person that's causing you the stress, or the situation?
In my experience, situations always change, but people never do.
Sounds from what you've written like she's never satisfied with what she's got, but is that right? The situation has changed with your granddaughter now, so I can understand your mrs wanting to be closer to her.
If you agreed to move but put your foot down and said 'This is the last move, and no more projects!', would that be ok for you both?


And by the way, saying my Mrs has got a wee bit of PND is the understatement of the year, bloody parenthood's put us both on the happy pills! 

With regards to parenthood, it does get better!!! You just have to forgive each other.

[lew600fazer]

Kids are lovely , the problem is they then become teenagers and then become assholes, not all. They bugger off and then hit early 20's and become your mates again. Mum and Dad well they just, well they just??????????? 

[jonesthesteam]

I was in the same position many years ago. first wife constantly dictated my life and whatever I did wasn't good enough, I continually tried to appease her but I realised she wasn't going to change, eventually I left - Years of heartache and cost followed as we had a young child and a big mortgage but years later it was the best decision by both of us - she's remarried and happy and so am I - It's tough to do but we are only here once


Chas and Dave know what its like......

! No longer available

Jonesy