STROKE.........advice and help needed

[maddog04]

wife suffered a serious stroke just before xmas, she was driving at the time and we must be grateful for small mercies as she could've literally died as her route took her over a flyover during the attack and she said she was all over the road

I'm due to sit down with the whole team at some point to discuss things but as its xmas most of the staff are on hols

wife is paralysed down the left side with limited vision, speech is quiet but clear, She is fully compus mentis with the odd bit of confusion but I don't know what the future holds, bleed still on the brain so until the blood is absorbed back into the body, no further scan can take place

I need your advice reference the way to get help once she's home.....at least 6 weeks away.....just asking if anyone has suffered this in the family and can give me some pointers

me lads distraught seeing his mum like this, I'm being as strong as poss for everyone but I'm fucked after 5 days.....just ensuring we're there for her and we eat and sleep as much as poss, his works are being a tad arsey, mine are ok for now but don't know how far they'll go

all advice greatly appreciated

[slimwilly]

Ah man,, you (and her and the lad) poor fokker, and this time of year,,,sobers us up nevermind you.


Most people ,yes most get totally right again,,,fingers crossed,[size=78%]father in law had one fedidnotknhome,he appeared pissed,,,,bad speech,dazed,but[/size]
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[/size][size=78%]fuc,my keyboard has fucked it now[/size]

[slimwilly]

try again,,iam in the hot tub, think the steam messes with the keys


yes most get over it,


he was able o crry on at home, no specialist help so dont know how to get helpfor srious cases


On another subject(sorry to hijack) but interesting,,gives hope,,in July we had my dads 80th here and an auntie came with the uncle and man she was a mess,,right out of it,,in 4 months since i last seen her,,,it was put down to althzimers or similar,,her husband was besidehimself,,worrying about how to look after her,shecould live another 15 years,,,today i saw my dad,, he told me auntie is back to normal,,they found brain damege,a hole i the sid eof it,,they fixed it and she ecovered,,,how odd medicine is nowadays,




fingers crossed for you mate

[maddog04]

thanks Slim....everything's crossed.......I'm a cold blooded bastid who deals with shit every day but when it's your own it can be heart breaking watchin your loved ones suffer

[unfazed]

Man, what a thing to happen, but you would be surprised how many improve dramatically in a sort space of time. It is one of the worst things watching them like this and feeling so helpless.
Trying to keep strong for the family, when inside you are wrecked and hurting as much as your son, is emotionally draining and extremely difficult. Be prepared for all sorts of emotions breaking through in the next few weeks as you will be feeling totally helpless, all of which will be quite normal. What she will need is for you an your son to sit with her and talk to her about normal every day things. She will just need you around while she tries to get a grip with what is happening. It is a shame that you sons employers are so unhelpful.
Hopefully your wife will be one of those who improve dramatically. One of my work mates  had 2 strokes in the last 9 months and he was in a similar situation to your wife with his left side paralysed and eyesight effected. He is now back at work 4 months later with his biggest problem being lack of sensation in his left side and a slight limp.


However I would only check out what is available as Doctors do not know from one case to the next how it will effect the person long term, 4 to 6 weeks will when they can give a good indication of the long term prognosis.

As for what to do mostly it is for making life easy for getting around the house. The DHS (Dept of Health Services) provide a lot of information and as far as I know give monetary assistance for modifying the house to help with people with serious strokes.
Ensuring the house is wheelchair friendly and if a two storey house, installing a stair lift or converting a downstairs room to a bedroom with downstairs bathroom. Having hand rails at either side of doorways if she is walking. Check out the care assistance system from the DHS for persons with a disability living at hone.

  she will improve dramatically.

[sadlonelygit]

these days the treatment of haemo strokes is fantastic. even if a surgeon has to go in to repair blood vessels. it's early days atm and she is at her worst right now. once the pressure in the brain is reduced you'll notice a daily difference in her condition.
all she needs is a bit of time and the love and support of your family.
take the time to appreciate what you've got and never put anything off 'til next week/month/year'

[sinto]

Can't say anything to ease your concern as I've never had to deal with it myself but have heard what's been mentioned earlier about them easing the pressure on the brain and things getting better.
I hope things go well for you and your family, fingers crossed for you mate.

[joebloggs]

Terrible news, hope she makes a quick and full recovery. Found this number on a leaflet from a support group called different strokes, 0300 123 1053. The numbers for a national help line that give information and answers questions re time off work etc.

Hope it's of some use

[fatbloke62]

Please be patient with her she will be scared shitless ,I had a CVA in 2009 aged 47 caused by a blood clot rather than a bleed and lost some vision and speech it was the worst experience of my life because in your own mind everything is normal you know what you want to say or do and nothing works ,I was lucky over time I made  a full recovery I'm back to full time work and kept my licence ,If you need to bend someone's ear and ask any questions pm me your number and ill ring you if it will help 

[unfazed]

I was in touch with my wifes sister who is a nurse in the UK (now retires) and she sent me this website address 

http://pathways.nice.org.uk/pathways/stroke#path=view%3A/pathways/stroke/stroke-rehabilitation.xml&content=view-index

There is a lot of information on there and there are many support groups under the umbrellas of National Health Service to help the person who has had a stroke and the spouses/partners/families  of the person who has had a stroke

[maddog04]

thanks for all the replies everyone, numbers and websites duly noted

[tex]

Wife is a nurse on the district for years now a practice  nurse, she says make sure there is a full care packidge for her
specific  needs in place before she leaves hospital,  if she can't manage stairs make sure your house has all the facilities  down stairs. There's a lot more chance of a good recovery nowadays.

[slappy]

Father in law had one nearly 8 years ago, his speech is now always slurred and he cannot drive anymore, and needs help to get up and down stairs, on level ground is ok with a walking stick. Their house was modified to have a downstairs bathroom to make it easier for him and a carer comes a couple of times a week.
I know this does not sound good but he is 80 years old now.
Make sure you ask hospital and social services for any help you need, thats what they are for.

[Frosties]

Can't offer any advice fella but really hope she makes a full recovery. As said, I reckon ask for and take any help going. Good luck.

[esetest]

Sorry to hear about your wife , I hope she makes a swift recovery .

[HarryHornby]

I have no advice I'm afraid, but reading what others have put, you are in good foccer hands.


Just wanted to send my best, and hope it all works out ok for you , the wife and your family.

[bri h]

Sorry to hear about your wife mate i hope she make as good a recovery as possible soon.

[maddog04]

thanks for all the best wishes from everyone in the big foccer family

she's having good days and the odd day when she's down and fed up which is normal given the set up, said some nurses are good and some not so good

still has a good sense of humour and has a laugh with us which is good........the other day she was trying to tell her ma about the film Sea Biscuit, likening herself to the horse who was poorly but went on to get better

wife: have you seen the film Mr biscuit?
ma: no
me: it's called Sea biscuit
wife: about a horse who is fucked but gets better, that's me....I'm that horse and I'm going to  get better....you must have seen it
ma: (wracking her brains) no.........who's in it
wife:................a horse!!!!!

I nearly fell off the chair PMSL .......maybe you had to there but it was funny as foc and the wife laughed her head off. It wouldn't have gone amiss in something like Only fools and horses with trigger and Rodney.....comedy gold

[red98]

LOL.....great that wifey still has a sense of humour  .....cant help in any way but wish your wife a speedy recovery 

[unfazed]

thanks for all the best wishes from everyone in the big foccer family

she's having good days and the odd day when she's down and fed up which is normal given the set up, said some nurses are good and some not so good

still has a good sense of humour and has a laugh with us which is good........the other day she was trying to tell her ma about the film Sea Biscuit, likening herself to the horse who was poorly but went on to get better

wife: have you seen the film Mr biscuit?
ma: no
me: it's called Sea biscuit
wife: about a horse who is fucked but gets better, that's me....I'm that horse and I'm going to  get better....you must have seen it
ma: (wracking her brains) no.........who's in it
wife:................a horse!!!!!

I nearly fell off the chair PMSL .......maybe you had to there but it was funny as foc and the wife laughed her head off. It wouldn't have gone amiss in something like Only fools and horses with trigger and Rodney.....comedy gold

  Great to see she has a sense of humour and a positive attitude, both vital to getting better

[cable tie]

I feel for you fella, I'll never forgot 23rd March 2012 as i pulled onto my parents drive I noticed all the lights on, the front door wide open, wtf is going on ! I enter to find my mother crying and in bits as my father has just had a stroke, it happened 5 mins after he parked his van outside, walked in and answered the telephone and suddenly crashed to the floor, by the time I had got there the ambulance had already rushed him to hospital, we rushed straight to the hospital and seeing him in intensive care was so upsetting it was like something had stolen his sole, they gave him 24hrs it was touch n go as my father had a serious stroke, he managed to pull through the night and spent the nxt 13wks in hospital I was at his bedside every day after work until they kicked me out in eve, it was very hard for me because my father had a business so I had to sort all that out and sell it as well as some property and still go to work myself, look after my mother and visit my father everyday and whilst I sat talking to him every eve it allowed me to read up on strokes and was very interesting and allowed me to understand, but all this came at a price after so long i ended up having a breakdown myself I was so drained. The stroke effected his left side of his body so it's the oppo side of the brain and my father was left handed so it caused complications with writing and banking so I have power of attorney and sort everything out. Eventually when he came home his speech was mumbled but 3 years later he talks fine, he cannot walk without aid and has a electric wheelchair, he is able to go toilet himself and that's important to him, he talks non stop now where as before you only got one line conversation. When he first came home I found my mum crying and she said it was all too much for her and she cannot cope and said he might have to go in a home, she had home help but she felt as tho they were invading and pushy, so we got shut of them and I now live around the corner and go there twice a day (morn & eve) everyday, go shopping, pay bills, do jobs and so now I live a double life, even when we have holidays I have to think whom will look in ! So my wifes family help with keeping an eye on them it's hard work but these are my parents and they wiped my shitty arse so I'm now repaying the favour. My father now says some awful things, swears calls me a cnunt (the effect of the stroke) but we have lots of great banter and talk shitte he looks forward to my vists everyday and talks non stop but I do miss not being able to ask him life questions and feel as tho ive lost my Dad and gained a Best mate but I'm thankful he is still around.

It's strange how I used to think they will live forever but that's not true, @70 still worked 6-days a week and was really fit being X-forces pt instructor and still muscular but that made no difference to the stroke.

So Maddog my deepest sympathies go out to you and your family, i no what your going through it will be a rough ride at times but there's light at the end of the tunnel even tho it seems like a long tunnel you will get there.

[maddog04]

thanks for that Cable tie, very moving.

I don't think anyone can fully understand the effects of a stroke until you've seen one, I certainly didn't. Somehow its harder to deal with seeing a loved one fucked up rather than dead, my dad died slowly of cancer and we knew it was coming so for me it was a relief for dad that he was pain free even though I was gutted he'd died. Watching my wife lie there paralysed is very hard but I expect that I'll cope and my lad appears to be coping a bit better now

I was going the ozzy 3 times a day at first and after 5 days I was fucked physically, I realised I'd be no good to anyone and there was a possibility of me going down with something serious and my lad would be a wreck with his mum and dad out the game, I'm now going once possibly twice a day and its still hard trying to do the usual chores like walking the dog, cleaning etc and I feel guilty about only seeing her once a day. I'll have to return to work soon and that will impinge on things but worse things happen at sea................onwards and upwards

[maddog04]

BTW.......I've got a hospital meeting next week with everyone who's involved in the wife's care/rehab ie doctors/nurses/speech therapists/physios

to those who have been down this road, what questions can I ask?
I spoke to a doctor yesterday and its the same old......"everyone is different with a stroke and its just a waiting game to see how it goes"

maybe they're right but its not helping me much

[cable tie]

Your are correct no one can understand the effect of a stroke until you have seen one, my mother never came to the specialist meets shes partially deaf and old and not well herself so to come was probably asking to much, but that meant it was harder for her to understand my fathers needs and his rash remarks.

Questions: I probably asked hundreds but the one I'll not forget is will my father have another stroke ! Stroke victims are more vulnerable regarding having another stroke over say me or you so the medication is very important to them, I was told not to overdue asking my father questions because they are quick to snap and cause stress,  the pysio was very good and my father had 12 months but there's only so much they can do and age plays a massive part on recovery, your wife sounds young'ish so hopefully will make recovery but it ain't a race so will take time. We also brought my father a tens machine (it feels like getting a small electric shock) he puts his feet on it and it exercises his feet and puts feelings in his leg.

Don't worry about questions to ask they will give you all the info plus more and tell you what to expect .

Good luck .

[maddog04]

some good news tonight, wife managed to move left arm and leg.......nothing great but small improvements.....ozzy very happy with her progress

fingers crossed