Date: 29-03-24  Time: 05:57 am

Author Topic: Bike Tips 101  (Read 16056 times)

Mattsplat

  • Club Racer
  • ****
  • Posts: 317
    • Main bike:
      FZ1 Faired Gen2
    • - GSXR750RK
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #50 on: 27 February 2014, 05:07:38 pm »
havearightgoodpissbeforegoinganyfairdistanceonyerbike  :pc

I do and I still need another half an hour later  :rolleyes

With age my bladder has turned into the size of a pea...

dcurzon

  • Club Racer
  • ****
  • Posts: 304
    • Main bike:
      FZS600 98-99
    • View Profile
    • Internet of Things
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #51 on: 27 February 2014, 05:14:57 pm »
When you're travelling uphill, low on fuel and in sight of the petrol station... If the bike dies (fuel) and you decide to leap off whilst it still has some momentum so you can look all cool whilst you push the last 50meters, DONT get your foot stuck on the top box that you'd clearly forgotton about

Ash69

  • DAS Born Again
  • **
  • Posts: 62
    • Main bike:
      FZ1 Faired Gen2
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #52 on: 27 February 2014, 10:05:48 pm »
In the event of an accident - assume the twat who knocked you off really is a twat who will lie through his back twatting teeth to wriggle out of a claim, get witnesses to his twatishness and take photos of any twatmobile he/she used to try to kill you.


Expect everyone who you deal with in the process of returning your twatted pride and joy back to the road to be lining their twatting pockets.

Ash69

  • DAS Born Again
  • **
  • Posts: 62
    • Main bike:
      FZ1 Faired Gen2
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #53 on: 27 February 2014, 10:08:42 pm »
Don't go for a ruby in Scarborough the night before visiting Olivers Mount ................. :o

bigbluebear

  • GP Hero
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,747
    • Main bike:
      Other
    • - Kawasaki Z1000SX
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #54 on: 27 February 2014, 10:22:35 pm »
Tell the council it was their pot hole that fucked your tyre

dx408

  • custard tart muncher
  • GP Hero
  • ******
  • Posts: 5,156
    • Main bike:
      Other
    • - Suzuki V-Strom 1050
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #55 on: 28 February 2014, 04:45:00 am »
When taking your bike where there are many to search though add a unique identifier to help you find it!!!!!  :eek

Worked one year at Ramsea sprints IOM packing my gear into the op box and Justin (I think that's who it was from here) walked up and said Hi DX thought it was you. How did you know it was me Fazer with a big Welsh flag on it was a right give away  :lol





Dont ask it's a chef thing
After 15 years EX-Fazer owner XJR. XJR gone FJR, FJR gone NEW FJR that's gone, now Triumph Tiger Explorer  an CB400n Superdream sold BMW 650 Funduro sold Now a R1200GA Adventure Rallye next ? OK so where next turns out to be V-Strom 1050 NEXT?

dx408

  • custard tart muncher
  • GP Hero
  • ******
  • Posts: 5,156
    • Main bike:
      Other
    • - Suzuki V-Strom 1050
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #56 on: 28 February 2014, 04:47:11 am »
When returning to this country via Dover and you get waved though customs make sure your helmet is on before you ride though as you go straight onto main roads with no helmet otherwise (yep I did)
Dont ask it's a chef thing
After 15 years EX-Fazer owner XJR. XJR gone FJR, FJR gone NEW FJR that's gone, now Triumph Tiger Explorer  an CB400n Superdream sold BMW 650 Funduro sold Now a R1200GA Adventure Rallye next ? OK so where next turns out to be V-Strom 1050 NEXT?

dx408

  • custard tart muncher
  • GP Hero
  • ******
  • Posts: 5,156
    • Main bike:
      Other
    • - Suzuki V-Strom 1050
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #57 on: 28 February 2014, 05:07:46 am »
Before snapping on the disk lock make sure the key is not on the bunch you left in the house..... (no I haven't)

Before riding off make sure the removable luggage is actually locked on properly

If using a on-bike camera make sure the view does NOT include the spedo

If using a plastic bag as a hat make sure no one has a camera


Remember no matter how good your machine looks when you park up there is always someone who will go one better


When parking your bike make it as hard as possible for any git to nick it unless they can do a good job of riding off road


Dont ask it's a chef thing
After 15 years EX-Fazer owner XJR. XJR gone FJR, FJR gone NEW FJR that's gone, now Triumph Tiger Explorer  an CB400n Superdream sold BMW 650 Funduro sold Now a R1200GA Adventure Rallye next ? OK so where next turns out to be V-Strom 1050 NEXT?

HarryHornby

  • GP Hero
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,668
    • Main bike:
      FZS600 00-01
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #58 on: 28 February 2014, 07:09:54 am »
After working on your bike, make sure to clean up the sink in the bathroom after washing your hands, especially if the wife only cleaned the bathroom 15 mins previous!  :evil
Money doesn't buy happiness, but it buys beer, and that helps!

hightower

  • WSB Pack Hound
  • *****
  • Posts: 591
    • Main bike:
      FZS600 00-01
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #59 on: 28 February 2014, 10:04:37 am »
If you are going to support the bike on a hydraulic floor jack, make damn sure that it actually works and doesn't drop your bike on the floor after a few unattended hours....


I did this recently, the jack method under pipes I mean - once up I used an axle stand too just to make sure :)

budgiemurray

  • Weekend Warrior
  • ***
  • Posts: 217
    • Main bike:
      FZS 1000 Gen1
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #60 on: 28 February 2014, 10:04:44 am »
Dont fart and cough at the same time.. same goes with farting and sneezing..

bigbluebear

  • GP Hero
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,747
    • Main bike:
      Other
    • - Kawasaki Z1000SX
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #61 on: 28 February 2014, 10:09:13 am »
Dont fart and cough at the same time.. same goes with farting and sneezing..

That's a life tip, not a bike tip

budgiemurray

  • Weekend Warrior
  • ***
  • Posts: 217
    • Main bike:
      FZS 1000 Gen1
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #62 on: 28 February 2014, 10:10:58 am »
bigbluebear.. it is if your on the bike at the time...
:-)

bigbluebear

  • GP Hero
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,747
    • Main bike:
      Other
    • - Kawasaki Z1000SX
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #63 on: 28 February 2014, 10:15:34 am »
you're in trouble if you do all four at the same time whilst on the bike

Mattsplat

  • Club Racer
  • ****
  • Posts: 317
    • Main bike:
      FZ1 Faired Gen2
    • - GSXR750RK
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #64 on: 28 February 2014, 10:20:33 am »
Dont fart and cough at the same time.. same goes with farting and sneezing..

Taking it up to the next level, don't sneeze whilst your having a dump!

It exits like a Scud missile  :eek

bigbluebear

  • GP Hero
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,747
    • Main bike:
      Other
    • - Kawasaki Z1000SX
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #65 on: 28 February 2014, 10:23:13 am »
Dont fart and cough at the same time.. same goes with farting and sneezing..

Taking it up to the next level, don't sneeze whilst your having a dump!

It exits like a Scud missile  :eek

And the splash soaks yer arse  :lol


Mattsplat

  • Club Racer
  • ****
  • Posts: 317
    • Main bike:
      FZ1 Faired Gen2
    • - GSXR750RK
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #66 on: 28 February 2014, 10:26:37 am »
Nothing worse than splashback  :rollin

Buzz

  • Club Racer
  • ****
  • Posts: 459
    • Main bike:
      FZS600 02-03
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #67 on: 28 February 2014, 11:07:37 am »
...or "Neptune's kiss" as it's known in my house
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines...

hightower

  • WSB Pack Hound
  • *****
  • Posts: 591
    • Main bike:
      FZS600 00-01
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #68 on: 28 February 2014, 11:19:07 am »
Bike related then: don't fart while sat down on the bike, it will feel like you've gone a bit too far. Always stand up to fart. Standing up also gives trailing bikers the courtesy of letting them know.

richfzs

  • GP Hero
  • ******
  • Posts: 3,507
    • Main bike:
      FZS600 98-99
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #69 on: 28 February 2014, 11:52:06 am »
Is that why ewan/charlie wannabees go everywhere standing up? Regular uncontrollable flatulence?

hightower

  • WSB Pack Hound
  • *****
  • Posts: 591
    • Main bike:
      FZS600 00-01
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #70 on: 28 February 2014, 11:55:51 am »
Is that why ewan/charlie wannabees go everywhere standing up? Regular uncontrollable flatulence?


That's right, it's just a common courtesy when group riding, much like waving to other bikers. Some people do it, but those that don't I class as p*** ignorant  :rollin

fazersharp

  • GP Hero
  • ******
  • Posts: 6,915
  • 10 stone Racing Snake
    • Main bike:
      FZS600 98-99
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #71 on: 28 February 2014, 12:53:55 pm »
Quote
2) the nut that turns up right in the middle of your garage that you dropped two weeks ago and spent 2 hours looking for during a half hour job

I swear to god there are some kind of "nut fairies" that hide it and are pissing themselves watching as you look for it
I don't do rain or threat there of. dry rider only with no shame.

Dead Eye

  • GP Hero
  • ******
  • Posts: 3,753
  • What doesn't kill me, will only make me stronger.
    • Main bike:
      FZS 1000 Gen1
    • - FZS600 00-01
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #72 on: 28 February 2014, 03:54:25 pm »
Quote
2) the nut that turns up right in the middle of your garage that you dropped two weeks ago and spent 2 hours looking for during a half hour job

I swear to god there are some kind of "nut fairies" that hide it and are pissing themselves watching as you look for it

Agreed and I swear every time I hear or see it go in one direction, it ends up re-appearing somewhere completely different... drop it in the garage, find it behind the TV in the living room... of a friends house... in a different city :\

Gary

  • DAS Born Again
  • **
  • Posts: 56
    • Main bike:
      FZ1 Faired Gen2
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #73 on: 01 March 2014, 10:31:13 pm »
~General bike tip ~

When travelling with others to a toll booth in bad weather and the operator shouts out "only one bike at a time as the barrier will drop" ... Make sure your ears are turned up .. cos them barriers are right bast*rd on your neck/lid! Managed to keep it up right but gave the operator an earful after walking back that he speaks the fook up next time cos he'd be helping lift the bike if it dropped.

Lez72

  • Club Racer
  • ****
  • Posts: 437
    • Main bike:
      FZS 1000 Gen1
    • View Profile
Re: Bike Tips 101
« Reply #74 on: 02 March 2014, 06:09:18 pm »
Quote
2) the nut that turns up right in the middle of your garage that you dropped two weeks ago and spent 2 hours looking for during a half hour job

I swear to god there are some kind of "nut fairies" that hide it and are pissing themselves watching as you look for it

Agreed and I swear every time I hear or see it go in one direction, it ends up re-appearing somewhere completely different... drop it in the garage, find it behind the TV in the living room... of a friends house... in a different city :\

I'm glad this is not just me. I like to try and apply a certain degree of logic when I have found myself in this situation but logic goes totally out the window. Note to self: Try looking in the least logical place first  :\
Yamaha Fazer 'the only bike you'll ever need' maybe ???