Fazer Owners Club - Unofficial
General => General => Topic started by: hightower on 25 February 2014, 08:58:34 am
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So after fixing my bike I decide to go on a cleaning frenzy. Yes, I got a bit over zealous with the polish, so here's the first one. Feel free to add your own, but hope this thread is kept light hearted mocking daft things you've done.
#1 Don't use polish on your seat unless you have a crazy desire to cling on for dear life at anything above 7.6mph
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#2 when changing oil, having the bike on the side stand means it will NOT drip straight out the drain hole :lol
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#4 when polishing chrome and stainless steel add a small amount of WD40 with Autosol....comes up a treat
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#5 - When chaining your bike up in the dark, remember to check for dogsh*t around the pole. Failure to do so will mean you may pull the chain through it thereby covering your cover, rear wheel and hands in the unthinkable.
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#5 - When chaining your bike up in the dark, remember to check for dogsh*t around the pole. Failure to do so will mean you may pull the chain through it thereby covering your cover, rear wheel and hands in the unthinkable.
AWWWW Foccin ell!!!!!!!! :evil :evil :evil :evil :evil :evil :evil :evil :evil :evil
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#5 - When chaining your bike up in the dark, remember to check for dogsh*t around the pole. Failure to do so will mean you may pull the chain through it thereby covering your cover, rear wheel and hands in the unthinkable.
We may already have a winner hahaha. I nearly spit coffee out. :rollin
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#6 when trying to start your bandit dont push it all the way around the block trying to bump it.insted just pull the clutch in :o :\ :lol
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When replacing your fuel filter remember to turn the petrol tap to off. I have actually done this twice.
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When changing the coolant, remember to put the drain bolt back in when refilling...
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#9 remember to lift up the side stand before riding off...
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#9 remember to lift up the side stand before riding off...
Erm, your bike should stall should you even attempt to put it in gear with the side stand down....
When replacing your fuel filter remember to turn the petrol tap to off. I have actually done this twice.
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[/size]I turned mine to off last year, and it still poured out - that was fun.
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#10 Remove disc lock before trying to ride off.
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When replacing your fuel filter remember to turn the petrol tap back on afterwards.
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Before calling out the recovery services when your bike won't start, first check that it in neutral !!!!!
(Not me of course, but a bloke I "rescued" on the front at Brighton who had been trying for two hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
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When wandering around a bike park at silverstone like a lost soul looking for your bike be sure to remember which one you took ......
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#14 Remember when adjusting the chain for the correct slack, it goes, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side, left hand side, right hand side. Bugger, that'll do
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When changing a clutch, remember to do the sump bolt up more than hand tight.
Saves dumping 4L of brand new oil down the motorway :rolleyes
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#16 When changing the oil, remember to tighten the sump bolt afterwards *ahem* Exup
#17 When changing the oil, don't try to look underneath the bike and end up dipping your head in the catch tray :o
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#9 remember to lift up the side stand before riding off...
Erm, your bike should stall should you even attempt to put it in gear with the side stand down....
Yes, it does. But starting the bike in neutral with the clutch in select 1st and wondering why it's stalled is a little embarrassing... haha
Chris
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When wiring something to your bike remember the carefully measured heat sink wrap is best put on the wires rather than your seat when you solder it up
Turning a battery 180 degrees (and forgetting) then trying to fit back into a handed comportment will not work ,despite saying “how hard can it be “ several times
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11# Take the disc lock off before you take the bike off the centre stand
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Cover every hole or awkward corner before undoing an screws, if you drop any of them they WILL drop down there.
Make sure the old oil filter O ring is off before fitting new filter, unless you want to cover the bike and driveway with oil when you fire her up.
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Put the side stand down BEFORE dismounting.
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When bump starting, jump on the bike before releasing the clutch.
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Make sure the kill switch is on before you blame the alarm. :D
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Do your helmet strap up before embarking on a fast start
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When in your back yard taking your bike off the centrestand and putting it on the sidestand to give a bit more clearance to squeeze your trailer past, take the cover off the bike first. Otherwise you will drop it. On your foot. Whilst wearing flip flops.
Don't know why I didn't just take the foccin' bike out the gate first, a short cut being longest most expensive route between two points.
:o :o :o
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when working on your bike on the side of the road with the petrol tank off, check there is no drain underneath to drop the spanners down. :'( done it,
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For a friend. When helping to service your bike and you ask what a bolt does, and you get the answer 'FFS don't undo that'. undoing it and dumping half the brand new oil on the floor then stripping the bolt in the rush to do it back up again is not very helpful
For the Guys at Coburn and Hughes (long time ago different owners), when servicing my front brakes, please bolt them back on the bike afterwards.
And for me, when stipping an engine take the oil out before removing the starter motor, specially if you are in a shed.
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oh and I forgot the best. When you have your wife as pillion remember to make sure she is actually on the bike before pulling onto the motorway. Seriously hilarious when a guy comes past with your pillion on his bike, with arms waving and strange noises emanating from it
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When you see a Mercedes braking sharply in front of you, the cue to brake hard was 5 seconds ago... :o :o
After realising the fuel tap is switched off, it is wise to check that the fuel line is actually connected before turning it back on... saves you being even later for work, and saves dumping at least £5's worth of petrol onto the (thankfully cold) engine!!
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When you're meeting up with people to lead a group ride, remember to switch the bike off before you get distracted by chatting to people. That way you won't have to bump start the foccer because you've flattened the battery by leaving the headlight on for half an hour!
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oh and I forgot the best. When you have your wife as pillion remember to make sure she is actually on the bike before pulling onto the motorway. Seriously hilarious when a guy comes past with your pillion on his bike, with arms waving and strange noises emanating from it
Excellent :-)
Better than getting 5 miles down the road, realising she isn't there, and shitting yourself, wondering when she fell off :rollin
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#9 remember to lift up the side stand before riding off...
Remember to put the side stand down before you get off the bike.
I have done this.
Twice.
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Remember to top up the tank when you switch to reserve.
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Make sure the kill switch is on before you blame the alarm. :D
:rollin
We had a similar thing at work. I finished my shift to find a load of blokes trying to start their bikes, and when I tried to start mine it was dead too.
Turned out someone had flipped the kill switch on every bike in the car park. :lol
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Remember to top up the tank when you switch to reserve.
And after you've topped up, switch back from reserve!
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*sigh* here goes.
Remember that the bike is very heavy when stationary and leaned over. With this in mind remember that if you're waiting on the bike for your wife to get some money from the cash-point with your helmet balanced on the tank and it unexpectedly falls off and into the road, under no circumstances should you lean down to try and reach it without getting off the bike first. Doing so will render you face down under a bike next to a street full of busy Saturday shoppers with your helmet spinning away into traffic.
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A friend.
When you stop for fuel at a garage on a Harley and your wife (pillion) puts her feet down to hold the bike up while you get off trying to look cool always make sure she remembers to put her feet down before you get off. Not cool to both be trapped under the same bike with lots of people watching.
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If it's down, put the side stand up before rolling off the centre stand. Unless you like having the bike land on your foot, that is.
#1 Don't use polish on your seat unless you have a crazy desire to cling on for dear life at anything above 7.6mph
This was done to my Blackbird before I bought it :wall
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When checking the brake disc's to see if the disc's are hot and your calipers may be sticking, Do Not do this using your Wee Pinky Finger after you have just stopped ...they will be hot you have just stopped..
Been there done it ..Not doing it again ooh Ouch ;)
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When you come home after a weekend away don't make a big fuss of your German Shepard while your still sat on the bike
GS nails will go through fuel tank paint like hot butter :'(
(http://i1162.photobucket.com/albums/q531/bigralphie67/Facebook/Mobile%20Uploads/969144_10152172365782923_1728255167_n.jpg) (http://s1162.photobucket.com/user/bigralphie67/media/Facebook/Mobile%20Uploads/969144_10152172365782923_1728255167_n.jpg.html)
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For a dog, do not sniff the exhaust pipe when your owner arrives home. LOL
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When you have changed the oil dont leave it in a bowl for you to stand on the edge and flip the contents over your shins
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Before buying a new battery check the kill switch.
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Undo the lock before trying to ride off.
dumbest-motorcycle-rider-ever.mp4 (http://www.maniacworld.com/flv/dumbest-motorcycle-rider-ever.mp4)
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Before removing front wheel remember to support base of engine to avoid having to ask neighbour to help lift bike off floor!
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If you are going to support the bike on a hydraulic floor jack, make damn sure that it actually works and doesn't drop your bike on the floor after a few unattended hours....
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Always have spare jars available for:
1) the nuts. bolts and washers you invariably have left over from any work you do on your bike
2) the nut that turns up right in the middle of your garage that you dropped two weeks ago and spent 2 hours looking for during a half hour job
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havearightgoodpissbeforegoinganyfairdistanceonyerbike :pc
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havearightgoodpissbeforegoinganyfairdistanceonyerbike :pc
I do and I still need another half an hour later :rolleyes
With age my bladder has turned into the size of a pea...
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When you're travelling uphill, low on fuel and in sight of the petrol station... If the bike dies (fuel) and you decide to leap off whilst it still has some momentum so you can look all cool whilst you push the last 50meters, DONT get your foot stuck on the top box that you'd clearly forgotton about
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In the event of an accident - assume the twat who knocked you off really is a twat who will lie through his back twatting teeth to wriggle out of a claim, get witnesses to his twatishness and take photos of any twatmobile he/she used to try to kill you.
Expect everyone who you deal with in the process of returning your twatted pride and joy back to the road to be lining their twatting pockets.
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Don't go for a ruby in Scarborough the night before visiting Olivers Mount ................. :o
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Tell the council it was their pot hole that fucked your tyre
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When taking your bike where there are many to search though add a unique identifier to help you find it!!!!! :eek
Worked one year at Ramsea sprints IOM packing my gear into the op box and Justin (I think that's who it was from here) walked up and said Hi DX thought it was you. How did you know it was me Fazer with a big Welsh flag on it was a right give away :lol
(http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd237/dx408/TT200350.jpg)
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When returning to this country via Dover and you get waved though customs make sure your helmet is on before you ride though as you go straight onto main roads with no helmet otherwise (yep I did)
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Before snapping on the disk lock make sure the key is not on the bunch you left in the house..... (no I haven't)
Before riding off make sure the removable luggage is actually locked on properly
If using a on-bike camera make sure the view does NOT include the spedo
If using a plastic bag as a hat make sure no one has a camera
(http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd237/dx408/Darrallbag.jpg)
Remember no matter how good your machine looks when you park up there is always someone who will go one better
(http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd237/dx408/Image080.jpg)
When parking your bike make it as hard as possible for any git to nick it unless they can do a good job of riding off road
(http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd237/dx408/Garden%20and%20Shed/August1920057.jpg)
(http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd237/dx408/Garden%20and%20Shed/August23200510.jpg)
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After working on your bike, make sure to clean up the sink in the bathroom after washing your hands, especially if the wife only cleaned the bathroom 15 mins previous! :evil
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If you are going to support the bike on a hydraulic floor jack, make damn sure that it actually works and doesn't drop your bike on the floor after a few unattended hours....
I did this recently, the jack method under pipes I mean - once up I used an axle stand too just to make sure :)
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Dont fart and cough at the same time.. same goes with farting and sneezing..
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Dont fart and cough at the same time.. same goes with farting and sneezing..
That's a life tip, not a bike tip
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bigbluebear.. it is if your on the bike at the time...
:-)
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you're in trouble if you do all four at the same time whilst on the bike
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Dont fart and cough at the same time.. same goes with farting and sneezing..
Taking it up to the next level, don't sneeze whilst your having a dump!
It exits like a Scud missile :eek
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Dont fart and cough at the same time.. same goes with farting and sneezing..
Taking it up to the next level, don't sneeze whilst your having a dump!
It exits like a Scud missile :eek
And the splash soaks yer arse :lol
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Nothing worse than splashback :rollin
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...or "Neptune's kiss" as it's known in my house
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Bike related then: don't fart while sat down on the bike, it will feel like you've gone a bit too far. Always stand up to fart. Standing up also gives trailing bikers the courtesy of letting them know.
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Is that why ewan/charlie wannabees go everywhere standing up? Regular uncontrollable flatulence?
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Is that why ewan/charlie wannabees go everywhere standing up? Regular uncontrollable flatulence?
That's right, it's just a common courtesy when group riding, much like waving to other bikers. Some people do it, but those that don't I class as p*** ignorant :rollin
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2) the nut that turns up right in the middle of your garage that you dropped two weeks ago and spent 2 hours looking for during a half hour job
I swear to god there are some kind of "nut fairies" that hide it and are pissing themselves watching as you look for it
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2) the nut that turns up right in the middle of your garage that you dropped two weeks ago and spent 2 hours looking for during a half hour job
I swear to god there are some kind of "nut fairies" that hide it and are pissing themselves watching as you look for it
Agreed and I swear every time I hear or see it go in one direction, it ends up re-appearing somewhere completely different... drop it in the garage, find it behind the TV in the living room... of a friends house... in a different city :\
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~General bike tip ~
When travelling with others to a toll booth in bad weather and the operator shouts out "only one bike at a time as the barrier will drop" ... Make sure your ears are turned up .. cos them barriers are right bast*rd on your neck/lid! Managed to keep it up right but gave the operator an earful after walking back that he speaks the fook up next time cos he'd be helping lift the bike if it dropped.
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2) the nut that turns up right in the middle of your garage that you dropped two weeks ago and spent 2 hours looking for during a half hour job
I swear to god there are some kind of "nut fairies" that hide it and are pissing themselves watching as you look for it
Agreed and I swear every time I hear or see it go in one direction, it ends up re-appearing somewhere completely different... drop it in the garage, find it behind the TV in the living room... of a friends house... in a different city :\
I'm glad this is not just me. I like to try and apply a certain degree of logic when I have found myself in this situation but logic goes totally out the window. Note to self: Try looking in the least logical place first :\
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See attached pic... Sums it up
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When treating bike with acf50 keep off discs
When kitting up for pouring rain take keys out pocket first
When using bike cover protect screen as will scratch
If you sneeze make sure visor up
When putting side stand down make sure engine off first less the gear shift you hit
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If you ride something like a Ducati single where the exhaust pipe is held into the head by a threaded collar which periodically works itself loose, when you start the bike and notice that the downpipe is rattling and the exhaust is blowing, do not stop after you've covered 100 yards or so, grab hold of the downpipe with one (bare) hand to push it into place while screwing the collar in with the other (bare) hand. The handprint burnt into the downpipe will not polish off no matter how hard you try and the smell every time you stop at traffic lights reminds you of pork crackling. However, you could commit all sorts of crime for the next month with little chance of being caught as you have no fingerprints........
Guess who once owned a Ducati single........
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If you ride something like a Ducati single where the exhaust pipe is held into the head by a threaded collar which periodically works itself loose, when you start the bike and notice that the downpipe is rattling and the exhaust is blowing, do not stop after you've covered 100 yards or so, grab hold of the downpipe with one (bare) hand to push it into place while screwing the collar in with the other (bare) hand. The handprint burnt into the downpipe will not polish off no matter how hard you try and the smell every time you stop at traffic lights reminds you of pork crackling. However, you could commit all sorts of crime for the next month with little chance of being caught as you have no fingerprints........
Guess who once owned a Ducati single........
Ouch
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When getting off the bike at Bourton on the water, make sure Raz is there to hold your bike up as you slide along the kerb on wet leafs.
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Don't leave choke on, even a little. Eventually engine starts coughing :o
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Don't leave choke on, even a little. Eventually engine starts coughing :o
I did this, thought all the way home "this is gonna be expensive". When I pulled into the drive the engine stalled, and that's when I noticed choke. School boy, won't do that again.
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Put the right bloody fuel in!! :O
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Put the right bloody fuel in!! :O
Would that make a difference then ;)
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When stopping off at a petrol station to hose your bike down after a ride along some very muddy roads, make sure you're wearing your waterproof trousers rather than your kevlar jeans. Otherwise expect a wet arse on the ride home. :\
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Don't trust new sump plug from m&p's. Doing oil change now and new sump plug started stripping the thread, luckily got it out with any any major damage and re-used old one