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Messages - DILLIGAFF
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51
« on: 03 April 2018, 12:05:24 pm »
As per usual my car insurers sent me a risible renewal premium. Paid £161 last year and they wanted £221 to renew, including a £10 renewal fee? So, a quick search on USWITCH and found a premiun of around £165. Then checked on TOPCASHBACK and Aviva had a good offer. Clicked through and their quote was £149 but they gave me a discount for "returning" to them and I paid just £129.62, saving £92 !!! Then this morning good old Topcashback emailed to say I was due £60 cashback so my cage premium ends up at just £69.62 for the year. YES PLEASE, DONE AND DUSTED.  Can anyone beat that?
52
« on: 01 April 2018, 09:48:52 am »
Needed to top up the fuel tank on the buggy I drive (Painshill Park) so fetched the jerry can but could not open the latch. Gave it all my huff 'n puff with no movement. Asked two colleagues and both equally stumped. The manager appeared and watched for a while before saying "If you remove the locking pin, it will be easier" DOH !!!!
Because of the cap design it looked like the pin was part of the hinge.   [/size]
53
« on: 14 March 2018, 11:13:00 am »
In their defence Millie, some modern cars have front and rear fog lights linked so you cannot turn off the rear if front are on.
54
« on: 13 March 2018, 10:44:34 am »
Or maybe a brake light repeater on the dashboard so they can annoy themselves as well?
55
« on: 12 March 2018, 11:02:22 am »
A deep hole has been discovered in Blackburn, police are looking into it.
56
« on: 12 March 2018, 10:58:52 am »
IMHO a major cause of accidents these days are the "Brake dabbers" who, mainly because they follow too closely, constantly speed up to the vehicle in front then brake to move back. Following vehicles are likely to either over react and slam on the brakes or ignore the constant brake lights ahead then get caught out by some real braking.
I followed a typical vehicle yesterday which in 30 mph traffic on a straight road with no hazards I counted over 20 brake dabs in about 1.5 miles.
I did not need to brake once.
57
« on: 05 March 2018, 12:14:17 pm »
A weasel walks into a bar and the barman says "Wow we don't see many weasels in here. What would you like?"
"Pop" goes the weasel.
58
« on: 01 March 2018, 11:22:44 am »
BBC news outside broadcast today showed convoys of vehicles all travelling too close and none with lights on even though it was blizzard conditions.
All too busy prodding their satnavs and checking their mobiles.
59
« on: 28 February 2018, 11:17:09 am »
Why is it in this country that as soon as there is a few millimetres of snow there is a sudden rash of accidents, especially on motorways.??
Back when I learnt to drive cars did not have power steering or anti-skid brakes and I drove literally by the seat of my pants. I could feel a skid or loss of traction and dealt with it.
How about compulsory retests for all drivers causing accidents in the snow??
60
« on: 13 February 2018, 11:44:30 am »
Next time you're in the supermarket, just have a nose into other people's trolleys. As a general rule the ones with salads and vegetables are the thin ones. Alternatively check the larger shopper and you will find all the ready meals, pizzas and pies.
Oh....wait..............that's my trolley!
61
« on: 11 February 2018, 09:59:59 am »
Now back volunteering at Painshill Park and the forecast yesterday was snow and hail.
I've woken up to bright sunshine and blue skies (so far)
62
« on: 07 February 2018, 12:02:24 pm »
Thanks Bob, have emailed them.
63
« on: 06 February 2018, 02:09:39 pm »
Thanks Rob, tried those with no luck.
64
« on: 05 February 2018, 11:18:32 am »
I never met my paternal grand father, family arguments etc., but lately have been trying to locate his grave. I know he died in Hammersmith in 1960 but so far have been unable to trace his resting place.
Any Foccers here trudged a similar path ????
65
« on: 01 February 2018, 11:15:21 am »
Mainly listen to KISS, KISSTORY or GOLD on DAB. 
66
« on: 22 January 2018, 11:17:27 am »
Oh and just like to add that I thought Kieran Wilson gained a lot of fans by pleading for the "mobile" offender be allowed back to his seat.
If that were me, on the backstroke of what may be a £200,000 stroke, I would have used his balls for practice.
67
« on: 22 January 2018, 11:14:38 am »
Still on the snooker, mugs who pay £100+ for a ticket then spend the whole time watching the overhead monitors to see if their stupid grinning faces are on TV.
Take a selfie and grin at that.
68
« on: 10 January 2018, 10:59:46 am »
Young girl at my local was moaning about her car breaking down on the M25. She said she thought it was "pulling a bit to the left"
A passing motorist flagged her down and her nearside tyre was deflated and completely split in two and must have been running on the rim.
I blame power steering and all the other modern comforts which isolate drivers from all the "feel" of todays cars.
Maybe its just another reason why you guys still love biking.
69
« on: 01 January 2018, 11:37:40 am »
A race horse breeder is transporting his prize stallion to market and gets caught in a terrible storm. Seeing lights in the distance he heads toward possible safety and comes upon a farmhouse. He throws himself on the mercy of the farmer to give shelter to him and his stallion until the storm passes.
OK says the farmer but my prize mare is in the barn and she is in season so you cannot put your stallion in with her. The breeder says, don't worry he is not the brightest tool in the box, we will just throw a large sheet over your mare and he won't even know she is there.
The storm rages throughout the night and they hear tremendous crashing, bashing and whinnying coming from the barn but figure the horses are just scared by the storm.
In the morning the two owners venture out and are horrified to find the mare has escaped through a hole in the barn. They jump in the farmer's car and head off in search of the lost mare. Eventually they come to a neighbour leaning on his gate and ask him "Have you seen a horse run by with a large sheet over it?"
"No" says the neighbour " but about 20 minutes ago I saw a mare run by with a hanky tucked in its arse"
70
« on: 31 December 2017, 11:15:52 am »
I suspect she may have been kidnapped and taken abroad ?
71
« on: 30 December 2017, 11:37:29 am »
Every time I log on here I wonder what happened to my one and only Fazer 600 that I sold to another Foccer, WU03 EKC.
Any sightings?
72
« on: 22 December 2017, 11:19:03 am »
Many years ago when driving into Heathrow central area I was going through the tunnel in the outside lane, as I needed to turn right into the central carpark, when a police car came screaming up behind me on blues and twos. Now in the preceeding weeks they had been enthusiastically fining drivers for crossing the double white lines that run through the tunnel so I held my position.
I could see the occupants having a heated discussion, presumably about my driving, but I was not going to risk a fine for crossing the doubles and anyway the nearside lane was clear. The police car then started furiously flashing his lights so I assumed he wanted me to stop, which is what I did. Only then did the "highly trained" drivers behind seem to grasp the reason for my actions and drove around me, which they could easily have done earlier.
73
« on: 17 December 2017, 12:21:29 pm »
I came home from a week abroad to this news. He was a regular at my local and a nice guy. I hope I don't know the biker as well.
We are appealing for witnesses after a collision took place on the A244 Esher Road in Hersham earlier this evening (8 December).Just after 5.30pm a motorcyclist travelling west-bound was in collision with a pedestrian. Sadly the pedestrian, a man in his 60’s died at the scene. His next of kin have been informed.The motorcyclist, a man in his 30’s, suffered serious injuries and was taken to hospital by ambulance.
Not sure exactly what happened but apparently he had been to the races at Sandown Park and stepped out in front of the filtering biker. I suspect it was his fault but still an awful thing to happen.
Take care out there guys.
74
« on: 26 November 2017, 11:20:03 am »
As I haven't had a good moan for a while, here are a few.................
1. The current trend to start every sentence with "So"
2. The current fashion to go everywhere clutching a mug of coffee. There is even a company selling "take-away" coffee cartons that you take home, pour in hot water and then take out with you?? I call these peeps "coffee mugs"
3. The Americanisation of cutlery handling including ever more elaborate ways of incorrectly holding the simple knife and fork.
4. Mobile phone users who have their calls on speaker so every call becomes a conference call involving all within earshot.
5. The growing trend for drivers to park just wherever the FOC they like with absolutely no regard for the inconvenience of others. I left home recently to find a van parked across my drive, when there were ample marked spaces available. It is now quite common to see vehicles parked with all four wheels on the pavement, or right on the corner of busy road junctions.
Right........rants over time for happy hour.
75
« on: 15 October 2017, 09:39:45 am »
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