Date: 12-12-18  Time: 04:58 AM

Author Topic: Just a joke  (Read 34207 times)

robbo

  • GP Hero
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,640
    • Main bike:
      FZS 1000 Gen1
    • - Mk 1 Speed Triple
    • View Profile
Re: Just a joke
« Reply #275 on: 23 March 2018, 06:44:46 PM »
Asked the doctor "Do you think I'l lead a long and healthy life", he replied " I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now", I said " I don't go in for all that astrology nonsense", he replied "Neither do I but my thermometer just broke".

Jamieg285

  • Club Racer
  • ****
  • Posts: 366
  • What does this do?
    • Main bike:
      FZS600 02-03
    • View Profile
Re: Just a joke
« Reply #276 on: 26 March 2018, 01:29:35 PM »
The doctor asked if any of my family suffer from mental health issues.

I said, "No, they all seem to enjoy it".

mtread

  • GP Hero
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,481
    • Main bike:
      FZS600 02-03
    • - Triumph Speed Trip & Tiger 800
    • View Profile
Re: Just a joke
« Reply #277 on: 16 July 2018, 07:35:21 PM »
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

DILLIGAFF


  • Muppet

    Plucking foccer
    Official FOC-U Saga Lout
    Kock Leeper
  • GP Hero
  • ******
  • Posts: 6,038
  • Leeper of cocks
    • Main bike:
      I don't own a bike
    • View Profile
Re: Just a joke
« Reply #278 on: 22 July 2018, 08:49:40 AM »
A guy takes his reluctant married friend out for a few beers. The friend says "Listen. Don't get me pissed cos last time I threw up all down my shirt and the wife gave me such a bollocking when I got home"
Inevitably it turns into a session and, also inevitably, the friend barfs up all down his shirt again.
"Now look at the messsh I'm in, hows am I gonna exshplain thish to the wife?"
Easy says his mate. Just put a ten pound note in your shirt pocket and say it was the bloke standing next to you at the bar and he gave you a tenner to have your shirt cleaned.
All goes well till he staggers back home and gives his story to the missus.
She is very sceptical and checks his shirt pocket for the money only to find a £20 note. "So how do you explain this?" she demands.

"Eashy" says the shame faced hubby....................................... "He shit me pants as well"
I used to not give a foc, then I discovered Red Bull and now I don't give a flying foc !!!