Date: 29-03-24  Time: 16:02 pm

Author Topic: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!  (Read 5299 times)

focced_off

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Perhaps some of you can relate to this, your wife loathes you riding, plus thinks a motorbike is like satan (or that's where I'll end up).

Forget about the content and enjoyment I get out of ownership, maintaining, plus riding the bike - that is not a part of her rational thinking.
Forget about the fact it is also TRANSPORT, costs much less to run and maintain, also gets me to work much faster. My bike infact helps keep me sane!

In her defence, there has been a couple of "mishaps" during my 'riding career'. However this has not fazed me from riding at all. "Bike Life" innit. :)
It's come down to this: I've been given 1 week to sell the motorbike, or she threatens to attack it with a hammer! Yes she has anger management issues.

It's been fun while it lasted.  :finger  :uhuh  :look


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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #1 on: 24 August 2018, 11:08:13 am »
Try telling her you're going to sign up for some Advanced Training. The IAM are giving 15% off this weekend: https://www.iamroadsmart.com/

Oldgit

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #2 on: 24 August 2018, 11:37:50 am »
Bang Bang Maxwell's Silver hammer came down upon her head, you know how the Beatles song goes

dazza

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #3 on: 24 August 2018, 11:53:16 am »
You do realise this is a form of abuse. Not to mention criminal damage.
If the tables were turned and you threatened to smash something up of hers with a hammer how it would be perceived by all and sundry?
Just saying.


Perhaps you should grow a pair and tell her to foc off. :lol
« Last Edit: 25 August 2018, 12:42:33 pm by dazza »

focced_off

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #4 on: 24 August 2018, 12:29:28 pm »
Thank you all for taking this seriously. This is just the tip of the iceberg to be honest, I'm on the receiving end of this type of talk frequently - plus I have no doubt she would carry this threat out. It's a form of control and bullying. Infront of our (young) children a lot of the time, so it's often difficult to retaliate.
EDIT: Just last night she threw my new motorcycle Helmet down the stairs, which is now all scratched and scraped up.

To be honest, my bike is my last stronghold. Riding has helped alleviate my anxiety and depression, it's been an escape.
For somebody who apparently doesn't want me to die (by riding my bike) she's got a funny way of showing her concerns.  :o

You do realise this a form of abuse. Not to mention criminal damage.
If the tables were turned and you threatened to smash something up of hers with a hammer how it would be perceived by all and sundry?
Just saying.


Perhaps you should grow a pair and tell her to foc off. :lol
« Last Edit: 24 August 2018, 12:33:38 pm by focced_off »

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #5 on: 24 August 2018, 01:49:13 pm »
Sounds to me like it's time to walk away, and by the sounds of things take the kids with you. I'm in a long term relationship myself so I understand that there is a certain amount of give and take involved but nothing should ever come to threats and violence.
My other half wasnt thrilled about me getting a bike either but it's something I really wanted and have been passionate about ever since. She's now realised they aren't as bad as she thought so it's all good (well unless she sees how much I spend on bits for it.... then there might be some violence 😅😅)
Maybe try talking to someone she respects ( mother, father etc) and explain what she's doing to you?
I can imagine it's hard opening up to others so well done for reaching out 👍

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #6 on: 24 August 2018, 02:02:27 pm »
Er, as you have choose to publicly post about what your wife is doing then I assume your prepared for or expecting comments...?
You wife clearly has mental health issues, can I ask if you have a seperate personal bank account? if not get one and tell her you will be putting money info that from the joint account every money to cover the the replacement cost for every time she breaks or destoys something. Also insist she gets professional help.

Were someone to take a hammer to my bike, wife or not - there would be severe repercussions, and or including a proper slap  or the fear of god visited upon thier person.
In the meantime, leave the bike and your gear with a friend.
« Last Edit: 24 August 2018, 02:07:14 pm by b1k3rdude »

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #7 on: 24 August 2018, 03:07:47 pm »
grab her by the scruff of the neck and kick her out the door

darrsi

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #8 on: 24 August 2018, 06:41:44 pm »
I think you should just settle for “...your wife loathes you...”  :lol
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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #9 on: 24 August 2018, 07:04:25 pm »
I put up with similar crap like that from a insecure ex  for seven years till I could take it no more  I walked away from my daughter who was six at the time with a shit load  of debt and nowhere to live ,16 years later life is great , walk away  brother life really is to short for a life being down trodden like that

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #10 on: 24 August 2018, 07:18:09 pm »
Mate. You're only here for a visit. Life's not a dress rehearsal. Cliches I know, but bin her off. Seriously.
Whizz kid sitting pretty on his two wheeled stallion.

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #11 on: 24 August 2018, 07:45:49 pm »
I once had a girlfriend that didn't like bikes. She didn't last long.
Now I have a wife that loves bikes and she had her own 125 for a few years. I rarely ride my own bike solo.
I could not imagine my life without a bike but if that day comes it will be my choice.


As your wife has other issues you can bet that once your bike has gone she will pick on some other part of your life and give you hell over that. I've been there, I've faced those anger issues. I walked away when she tried to strangle me in my sleep and I don't even foccin know what the hell I was supposed to have done! She followed me around for weeks afterwards, turning up in the most unlikely of places. She eventually got tired of stalking me. I found out that she got married on exactly the same day as me - to my sister in laws brother... So now I am related to the stupid foccin cow!!!


Best of luck in whatever you choose to do.

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #12 on: 24 August 2018, 08:36:45 pm »
Very diffacult when kids are involved , as someones already suggested , stick the bike in a mates garage and say youve sold it...still be there when you need that escape....got to put the kids first , hope you can sort something out without too much upset.......
One, is never going to be enough.....

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #13 on: 24 August 2018, 10:35:42 pm »
I agree with the others that say move your bike to a "safe house" first and then you need to help her sort out her problems. She needs to understand her behaviour is wrong and if need be you need to be prepaired to walk and she needs to understand this.
My Mrs has no interest in my bike - she even calls it a Frazer  :rolleyes and not a clue as to the make or cc, just that "its a black one". I actually prefer it that way - its my thing that I do when I need to.   
I don't do rain or threat there of. dry rider only with no shame.

dazza

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #14 on: 25 August 2018, 05:08:07 am »
I don't know your misses but I know her type and correct me if I'm wrong but I would hazard to guess that she would never admit to anything being her problem or behaviour being at fault and there is no way on God's Earth that you feel you could even approach her about it.
I would visit the citizens advice bureau and lay your cards on the table,asking for professional help so you have some official back up.
This situation is so much more common than anyone thinks.
A lot of Modern women have become monsters.
A friend of mine who worked the door and was a power lifter and not easily intimidated by any man suffered physical, mental and emotional abuse from his wife for many years.
Women can be very scary simply because they have no control over their irrational emotions.
Get some professional advice, even if it means going to the police.
Sometimes it needs this sort of shock to make them realise that they are the problem.
Whatever you do, don't react badly or rise to any provocation.
My friend was forced to defend himself one night when she held a pair of scissors to his throat and yes, you've guessed it.
He was the one who ended up in prison and kept from seeing his kids or entering his own house.

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #15 on: 25 August 2018, 06:26:12 am »
My father gave me a piece of good advice which went with that birds and bees chat, when you meet a girl check the mother out carefully if you don't like what you see or they are complete dragons run for the hills before she turns into her mum. I followed that advice turned out to be true been together 48 years. Gave same advice to my sons, eldest followed it got a keeper, youngest didn't complete nightmare both mother and daughter, now split up similar reasons to original poster. Wouldn't p**s if she was on fire complete controlling fruit loop uses every thing to get her own way even my grand daughter.

darrsi

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #16 on: 25 August 2018, 08:39:45 am »
I agree with the others that say move your bike to a "safe house" first and then you need to help her sort out her problems. She needs to understand her behaviour is wrong and if need be you need to be prepaired to walk and she needs to understand this.
My Mrs has no interest in my bike - she even calls it a Frazer  :rolleyes and not a clue as to the make or cc, just that "its a black one". I actually prefer it that way - its my thing that I do when I need to.


I've got a black mate called Frasier who lives not far from you, are you sure you're giving her your utmost attention?
Just saying....... :rollin
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VNA - BMW Wank

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #17 on: 25 August 2018, 11:32:08 am »
 I’d always had funny feelings about my sister, that somehow, she wasn’t quite right, but nothing really too bad ever happened – she was just really difficult at times.


Then eventually as times moves on my parents got older, frailer and both began to suffer from dementia. I live in the same town as them, so I did everything I could to look after them, my life revolved around them.  My sister lived some 25 miles away.


But my sister, who is extremely plausible and can be very charming, who also happens to work in the nhs as well as being married to a church minister (ex-solicitor who was happy to help her with the shit stirring) did everything she could to undermine my care of my parents.


She almost drove me to a nervous breakdown.  The manipulation and lies just kept coming and never stopped.  And whilst I was in the thick of it – looking after my parents – I didn’t have time to deal with her whilst looking after my parents.  Further I couldn’t see the wood for the trees, and frankly was like a rabbit caught in the headlights.


Eventually with one parent having passed away and the other in care (massive fight to get the right care home etc) I started reading books on psychology.  Getting an understanding of how some people function, and realising that those with certain types of behaviour will most probably never change was a turning point for me.


Even though my mother died a year ago now, so both parents have now passed, it still continues to a degree.  Trying to settle the estate is a nightmare as we are both executors.  The crazy thing is that no matter how many times she gets caught out, how often she makes a complete and utter fool of herself, she just keeps coming back for more.  But eventually it will be over for me, I can cut her completely from my life.


It’s difficult from just a few internet posts, two sides to a story and all that, but;


You’ve recognised you are being bullied and controlled, and further it’s taking it’s toll on your health.  The hard bit is obviously that there are young kids involved.   It’s a completely different situation from mine.  You do appear to be in a situation that cannot continue as it is.


First step, yup stash the bike somewhere safe. You'll get back on it in the near future ;)
 
« Last Edit: 25 August 2018, 11:33:47 am by VNA »

dazza

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Wharfe

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #19 on: 27 August 2018, 07:14:08 pm »
focced_off, can I (as a mental health professional, biker, and divorcee now happily remarried )add my voice to the multitude here very concerned about what you've disclosed? Consider this - If the tables were turned and a bloke was behaving like this to his wife it would be a straight up case of "love, get far away from him as quickly as possible for keeps. And take the kids.." Despite you're male and she isn't, the situation is no different. This is abuse, it's controlling, bullying behaviour and it is deeply unhealthy for you and your kids. [/size]Men generally are uncomfortable with the idea that the "weaker sex" can be like this to them, but it goes on, lots.
[/size]I'll warrant that if you binned off the bike then something else, some other aspect of your behaviour or existence would be the focus of her wrath. If you continue to appease her, "tolerate" the situation, do nothing, it will likely as not get worse. Your kids are witnessing this - it will  inform their attitude towards relationships, adults, the works. it will bend them - and you - out of shape. Example - couple I used to know. She became disillusioned with him, and started to rant, belittle, bully him, in front of their three kids. Eldest son learns that to "put dad down" is acceptable, and does same, with the tacit acceptance of his mum. The two (dad 45, son by then 14) were witnessed brawling publicly on several occasions, but she would not acknowledge there was any sort of a problem, and  it took the intervention of my missus (threatening her with social services) before something happened (mercifully they are now divorced). In short, if you're glad we're taking this seriously, then you do the same fella, acknowledge this isn't going to change unless something else does. Very probably your marital status.... sorry but that IS likely. And no one deserves to live like this, even if they have the temerity to ride a motorbike....


focced_off

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #20 on: 28 August 2018, 10:21:10 am »
Thank you for the additional replies. Also the replies describing similar situations witnessed/you've experienced. I've read every one plus taken alot of accounts into consideration.

At the weekend at one point I sensed she was getting out of control, I left the room and was on the other side of the door (holding it shut). She threw something that went through the glass window in the door, shattering the glass onto me on the other side, cutting my legs in the process. I cleaned myself up, wasn't bad enough to require a hospital visit though. I've taken photos as evidence to support my case!!

While this is destroying my character, confidence, plus mental state too, I was thinking about it... I could walk (as alot have said), which would restore my life, however in the process I would permanently shatter my young children's lives, with their Daddy walking out of the door permanently. Which would be selfish of me.

For their upbringing, I think there is no choice but to stick this out. As has been said, it's not a good environment for them (seeing what's going on), however having both parents in the house is still beneficial - at least until they are in their late teens and heading off to University or moving out, then I can do my own thing.

I have been on the verge of suicide in the past, with the scene set, however it was thinking about my children (at that moment) at home waiting for me to walk back in the door that stopped me carrying it out.

Wharfe

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #21 on: 28 August 2018, 12:46:20 pm »
Hmmm, I'm sure that sticking it out til the kids have grown up is laudable on one level but think about it for a minute - how many years of increasing domestic violence (which is what this is, let's be clear) should they have to put up with? How far will you let things go before it gets too much? it's already potentially life-threatening - we're in potential "restraining order" territory here. Your house sounds like a war zone.  If you "walked" would you be out of their lives permanently? Emphatically no. You have a great case for shared custody; it's not like the old days of "the mother gets the kids, dad sees them Sunday afternoon". You can have a decent life, 50% of the time with your kids, and she can (hopefully) calm the foc down without you around. This has got to be a healthier environment than what's happening now. It wouldn't shatter your kids' lives, fella - kids are not daft, they are adaptable and they will get an understanding of situations quicker than you think. My wife left her husband (for several good reasons) and they initially railed against Dad not being around all of the time . But they soon got used to it, were happy generally, and (crucially) came to understand why mum and dad split up. No blame bandied around, just "you two weren't working together". They're both happy well adjusted young adults now.
I'm not about to tell you what to do, but I will say look long and hard at all the possibilities beyond just sticking it out. Whatever, you will need to take careful note of everything she does when, where, how and with pictures ideally. Minute, complete detail.  Maybe also think about finding your local men's group or somewhere where you can talk openly about what's going on for you. Doing that will allow you to get a perspective, air some ideas. Whatever you do, good luck...

Like I said - no-one deserves to live like this. Not you, and especially not your kids.

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #22 on: 28 August 2018, 07:43:22 pm »
I think the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is to talk to a professional who is trained in how to deal with these situations. Speaking to someone will take a huge weight off your back and help you work out what to do next. You looking after your own physical and mental health is not being selfish, it's the best thing you can do to help your kids.

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #23 on: 28 August 2018, 08:22:46 pm »
My Mrs has no interest in my bike - she even calls it a Frazer  :rolleyes

We're all doomed, doomed I tell ye!

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Re: 1 week to sell the FAZER or it goes under the hammer (LITERALLY) !!
« Reply #24 on: 28 August 2018, 08:34:53 pm »
I think the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is to talk to a professional who is trained in how to deal with these situations. Speaking to someone will take a huge weight off your back and help you work out what to do next. You looking after your own physical and mental health is not being selfish, it's the best thing you can do to help your kids.


Wot he said.... really....