Date: 19-04-24  Time: 14:55 pm

Author Topic: An english man & a scotsman etc  (Read 1055 times)

lew600fazer

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An english man & a scotsman etc
« on: 25 March 2017, 12:38:45 am »
An English man , a Scotsman and an Irishman want to go to the Olympic games but don't have tickets. As they are walking to the venue they pass a building site.
The Englishman spots a scaffolding pole picks it up and goes to entrance , He says George pole vault and they let him in. The Scotsman sees a grating  and says Jimmy discus, the Irishman sees a roll of barbed wire and says Shemaus, fencing
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celticdog

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Re: An english man & a scotsman etc
« Reply #1 on: 25 March 2017, 01:13:51 am »
Dundonian Women
The first man married a woman from London. He told her that she
was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on
the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put
away.

The second man married a woman from Edinburgh. He gave his wife
orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first
day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the
third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a
huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a Dundee
Girl . He ordered her to keep the house
cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table
for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day
he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone
down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed
enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
He still has some difficulty when he pees.
« Last Edit: 25 March 2017, 01:15:49 am by celticdog »
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Wee Rocky

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Re: An english man & a scotsman etc
« Reply #2 on: 25 March 2017, 08:28:51 am »
A wee Irish man (Paddy) is walking down the road with his two new dogs proud as punch. A wee scotsman (Jimmy) walking the other way says' nice dogs Paddy,are they Jack Russell's?' Paddy says angrily 'no there mine!!'

darrsi

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Re: An english man & a scotsman etc
« Reply #3 on: 25 March 2017, 09:40:08 am »
Did you hear about the thoughtful Scotsman who was heading out to the pub? He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, 'Jackie - put your hat and coat on lassie.'
She replied, 'Awe Iain that's nice - are you taking me to the pub with you?'
'Nah, I'm just switching the central heating off while I'm oot.'
« Last Edit: 25 March 2017, 09:40:42 am by darrsi »
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Oldgit

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Re: An english man & a scotsman etc
« Reply #4 on: 27 March 2017, 05:59:36 pm »

Corbyn and May decide to go out and meet voters in the country areas, so they go to an outfitters in London and buy tweed clothing, sturdy brogue type shoes and hire a Labrador dog thinking they will be just like country folk.
they stop off at a village pub in the Cotswolds to have a drink and meet some of the locals.
They are standing at the bar with their dog and every now and then someone from the other side of the bar comes round and lifts their dogs tail, mutter to themselves and return to the other side of the bar.
Corbyn asks the bar man if that is a country tradition, the bar man says "Nah  mate I'll ask them why", he returns a couple of minutes later and says "someone over there said there is a dog at the other side of the bar with two fukin arseholes"